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From the staff of the Tampa Bay Times

No Casinos offers up its suggestions for casino thankfulness

23

November

We are a push over for cleverness, especially when it's wrapped in holiday twist. So we offer you this from John Sowinski, head of the Disney-backed No Casinos:

With Thanksgiving upon us, we’re asking the question:
What are the Top 10 things casino promoters are thankful for this year?

NUMBER 10:  Genting is thankful that the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms was not at last weeks’ Committee meeting when Genting President Colin Au etched his name in Florida history by becoming the first person to use the word “bull$#!*” , not once, but twice in formal testimony. 

NUMBER 9:  The rest of the casino lobbying gang is thankful that he didn’t drop the F-bomb while he was at it.

NUMBER 8:  Las Vegas Sands lobbyists are thankful that they haven’t yet had to explain to Floridians why the company is the object of an ongoing federal investigation, and why, exactly, the Securities and Exchange Commission and the U.S. Justice Department are trying to find out if the Sands violated the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.

NUMBER 7:  Wynn lobbyists are thankful that nobody from their company is currently using obscenities in front of legislative committees or under investigation by the feds.

NUMBER 6:  Genting is thankful that land is cheap, and the dollar is low so that even if the legislature rejects casinos, they still got a good deal on some prime real estate.

NUMBER 5:  Bill sponsors are thankful that most Floridians are cordial people with enough self-control to not laugh out loud when they claim that Florida has to expand gambling in order to control it.

NUMBER 4:  All gambling promoters are happy that memories are short, so very few people remember that last time there was an effort to legalize mega-casinos in Florida, the sitting Speaker of the Florida House wound up on the payroll of a casino company and went to federal prison for, among other things, failing to pay taxes on the cool $250,000 in casino money he was paid.

NUMBER 3:  Casino kingpins are thankful that nobody’s bothered to tally the social costs tied to expanding gambling in Florida—including the cost of regulation, crime, business destruction,  counseling and treatment of addicted gamblers, support for destitute families, lost productivity, etc, etc, etc.—because once those numbers come out, it will be clear that taxpayers will be picking up the tab when casinos cannibalize existing businesses and drain millions out of the Sunshine State’s economy.

NUMBER 2:  Gambling interests are thankful that Florida’s economy is really bad right now, so that they can try to pass off mega-casinos as a boon for our economy, even though Nevada leads America in the unemployment rate (30% higher than Florida’s), foreclosure rate (400% that of Florida’s) personal bankruptcy rate, auto theft rate, assault rate, suicide rate, and on, and on, and on.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING Casino promoters are thankful for: having a chance to prove PT Barnum right on his famous words: “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

[Last modified: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 9:31am]

    

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