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Tom Jones' Two Cents

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Real people; real scary



Pumpkin_2 It's Halloween. Don't have a costume yet? Have no fear; I'm here to help. Here are a few sports-related personalites you can dress up as, and I even give suggestions on how to go about it.

Tom Brady
A Pats jersey and a child-support checkbook (Supermodel not included in costume kit.)

Jim Leavitt
A visor and, since it's a week following a loss, just be rude to everyone.

Joe Maddon
A pair of black-rim glasses with rose-colored lenses.

Michael Vick
A couple of dogs (dead or alive).

Scott Kazmir
But you are only allowed to go to 80 houses then another takes your place and will lose all your candy.

Elijah Dukes
I was going to make a joke, but this guy scares Freddy Krueger.

Chris Simms
Dye your hair blonde and carry a clipboard. And, oh yeah, have your spleen removed.

Jon Gruden
Begin trick-or-treating at 3 in the morning.

Jeff Garcia
Run frantically from one house to another.

Joe Paterno
Black glasses, rolled up pants, and do not talk about Austin Scott.

Rocco Baldelli
Crutches, ice packs, bottle of Tylenol and a portable whirlpool.

Steve Bartman
Dorky glasses, Cubs jacket, Cubs hat. Be sure to slap away all the candy intended for your buddy's pillowcase.

Peyton Manning
One drawback: you have to pay him royalties.

Isiah Thomas
Wear a suit and make inappropriate comments to all the females you pass.

Roger Clemens
Go back and forth on whether you're actually going to go trick-or-treating and then go about halfway through the night.

Bill Belichick
A video camera and the rattiest sweatshirt you can find. Also, lose your personality for a night.

Barry Bonds
Start off in a Pirates hat, but as the night progresses switch to a Giants hat and keep putting on masks that make your head bigger.

David Stern
Wear a suit and glasses, and yell at all the other trick-or-treaters who aren't dressed properly.

Dan Boyle
Full hockey gear but, of course, wear your skates on your arms.

[Last modified: Monday, June 14, 2010 2:41pm]


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