A little flummery I wrote in today's Times:

Think of Dr. Jackal as a well-known economist for a certain national real estate association noted for his upbeat forecasts. But when the shades drop after midnight he's confronted by his truth-telling alter ego, Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde.

Dr. Jackal: Now is a best time to buy a home! Real estate is the best investment you'll ever make!

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: I took your advice in 2005 and am sitting on a depreciating pile of PVC and stucco. Can I get a refund? Oh, and thanks again for that Buy Now mantra. I'm really enjoying our junior varsity version of the Great Depression.

Dr. Jackal: Only fools sit on the sidelines. Remember: They're not making any more Florida waterfront!

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: Indeed. But human ingenuity solved the beachfront shortage. They're called high-rise condos. We took your advice. Now we can't give away tens of thousands of empty condos.

Dr. Jackal: But a home's not just an investment, it's a place to live. Even if it doesn't appreciate you can sell it for what you paid.

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: Tell that to O.L. Slick who bought crude at $147 and Chuck R. Ethix who bought Yahoo at $450.

Dr. Jackal: Okay, you're right about home prices falling since 2006, but they've definitely hit bottom.

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: Ever heard the song There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea? Well, home values have entered that fissure beneath the waves.

Dr. Jackal: You're hard to please. But admit right now that Tampa home sales rose in 2008.

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: I hate to keep harping on the oceanic theme, but since when are bottom feeders gobbling foreclosure homes the basis for a balanced market?

Dr. Jackal: Hey, you're a smart man. How would you like to buy a copy of my book, How to Make a Mint in a Month Through Real Estate?

Mr. Nothing-to-Hyde: You forget. I'm your alter ego. We've got 100 boxes of remainders stacked in the garage.