Columbine game: Onion is stuck on the library level

Kotaku beat me to it, but The Onion's American Voices bit yesterday was on the Columbine video game. I used one of these as the quote on Page 2 of tbt* today.

Columbine Video Game Stirs Controversy
A controversial web videogame, Super Columbine Massacre RPG, allows players to act as the shooters in the Columbine High School slayings of 1999. What do you think?

Richard Banker, Technical Project Manager
"Good. I think that town has healed enough."

Lloyd Karlin, Physicist
"The game is disgusting. Cheesy 2-D graphics, bland topography, and no multi-player capability. What kind of animal would design such a thing?"

Jessica Vebber, Lifeguard
"Anyone know how to get to the cafeteria? I'm still stuck on the library level."