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'Opting In' carries this message: Child, career — balance is key to success

By Elizabeth A. Leib, Special to the Times


In print: Sunday, June 15, 2008

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Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself is the most sympathetic, nonjudgmental treatment of women's issues to have appeared in many months. Amy Richards' insightful examination and reconciliation of motherhood and feminism is an eye-opening departure from conventional approaches. Her feminist parenting tent is large and accommodating, offering a space within which same-sex, unmarried and single parents, along with traditional partners, can find common-sense solutions.

Richards' book was written in response to the 2003 New York Times Magazine article "The Opt-Out Revolution," about the trend of highly educated women abandoning careers for full-time parenting.

Opting In draws different conclusions. The author's research reveals that "few woman actually permanently catapult their career ambitions; some have a leisurely approach to their jobs, taking time away when their kids are young, but most stay in the paid work force for a good percentage of their adult lives."

Richards takes on the restrictive judgments we make of ourselves and others. Of gender stereotyping, she points out that avoiding rigid expectations of what is masculine or feminine can allow kids to access the best of both. And as much as she encourages a wide variety of attitudes, she expresses regret about women who lose their ambitions after becoming parents. "Staying balanced is a great example to give your children; to be consumed with your children at the expense of your own identity ends up punishing both you and them in the end."

Richards knowledgeably refers to feminist history as she explores the dilemmas contemporary mothers face in balancing family, work and friendships. And she's convincing when she asserts that women who want strong, intelligent children must be themselves equally smart and assertive.

Elizabeth A. Leib is a freelance writer living in Temple Terrace.