Becoming a mom doesn't have to put the skids on your sex life, author Kristen Chase says. Ignore the dirty laundry, grab some lube and lingerie, and make it happen — preferably in a place more adventurous than your bed.
Racy advice, indeed, but helpful in the quest to regain your sexuality and femininity after having kids, says Chase, a.k.a., the Mominatrix.
The wife and mom will be at Neiman Marcus on Thursday promoting good sex and her new book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms. Her visit is part of the store's spring line kickoff party, which will include presentations by Tampa fashion designer Ben Chmura of Project Runway and jewelry designer Jay Strongwater.
Chase, 33, will do sexy mom makeovers in the store's lingerie section. She'll show examples of lingerie that's flattering to post-partum moms and demonstrate how a little makeup can liven up a tired face in five minutes.
"My whole thing is that if moms are happy, they're better moms,'' she said. "The pooch, the stretch marks, the post-breast-feeding boobs. All of that we're going to address.''
Chase is the chief operating officer of coolmompicks.com, a shopping blog about great stuff for kids, and lives in Atlanta with her husband and three children, ages 5, 3 and 1. She wrote the book during the least sexy time in her life, when she was post-partum and pregnant. The idea stemmed from her twice monthly column on imperfectparent.com.
The book offers cheeky, irreverent advice for women trying to resume their sex life or reinvigorate it. Topics range from the best nursing bras to the top five fun things to enjoy while handcuffed. Expect to blush — and learn a lot about subjects often considered taboo.
"It's easy to talk with your mom friends about a pacifier or the coolest stroller, but it's difficult to say that I haven't had sex in a really long time because I'm having pain. Or because I just really don't want to and don't know what to do,'' she said. "This is a way for folks to get all those issues out and have a good laugh.''
She offered these tips for revving up a relationship.
Buy lingerie for fit, not comfort. "You need something that makes you feel fantastic in the size that you are because women always do the whole, 'Well, I'm going to buy this and I'll wear it when I lose the baby weight.' That's silly. And it shouldn't be comfortable. That shouldn't be a criteria for buying it. Women say they don't like the lace because it's so uncomfortable. But you're not going to be wearing it long.''
Invest in lube. "A lot of women giggle when they hear 'lube' and most women just go to their big box stores and buy it. But there are actually thousands of different kinds. There are amazing kinds out there. They can really change things in a squeeze."
Get a sex pillow. "It changes positions very easily so you don't have to be super flexible and sprightly. It just makes things more comfortable. A lot of people have back issues after having kids, and it can make a world of difference.''