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'Eat Less' shirt just plain terrible, pulled from store

Your corneas do not fool you. This shirt, from Urban Outfitters, actually says "Eat Less." My friend Hilary linked it on Facebook, and I immediately flew into a rage (partially because I was hungry and this reminded me that my stomach was eating itself).

People were so outraged that by Friday, Urban Outfitters had pulled the shirt off its website. The theory is fine. You will lose weight by not eating 18 cheeseburgers a day. Have a salad. Take half of your meatballs home in a doggy bag. Try a healthy handful of almonds instead of a straight up cream cheese log. Generally eat less!

But this is different. It's mean, scary and damaging to all the poor innocent girls who already feel like Shamu incarnate because their legs don't look like what's-her-face on Gossip Girl.

Can you imagine? You're walking through the mall, pulling your ill-advised American Eagle shorties out of your wedge and wishing you hadn't cut your bangs, all while sizing up the nearby cookie cafe for sweet refuge from inadequacy. All of a sudden, Waif McKnobbleknees strolls out of Urban Outfitters wearing THIS hanging off her collarbone, glaring at you with her sunken eyes. She might as well wear a sandwich board that says, "Hey, fatties! Y'all look like hell! LOLZ!"

Good grief.

Here's a list of alternative phrases one might wear on one's shirt:

• Eat Pancakes, They Rock!

• Eat Your Boyfriend's Leftovers While He's Asleep!

• Eat Everything In Moderation Like Oprah Says!

• Eat Celery, As Long As There Is Peanut Butter Involved!

• Eat Trifling Fools Like That Guy Who Dumped You For Lunch!

• Eat That Sandwich From Winghouse Because It's Delicious Even Though Going In There Makes You Feel Less Like A Feminist!

• Eat That Cheese, But Make Sure To Scrape Off The Green Part!

• Eat McDonald's When You Have A Hangover!

• Eat Whatever You Want, This Ain't A Dictatorship!

• Hey Urban Outfitters! Eat …

Okay, this is a family newspaper. But you can fill in the blank.

Deal Diva Stephanie Hayes

'Silly' is always in style

I learned of Silly Bandz when I drove past a Walgreens whose flashing sign read, "WE HAVE SILLY BANDZ!!!"

I instantly wanted some — not because I knew what they were, but because having them in stock was apparently a big deal, so I knew I should get a few.

When I learned that Silly Bandz were collectible bracelets in different shapes, I decided they were less suited for me than for my 11-year-old stepdaughter. Of course, she already had some. So do the kids at my church. So do many members of the Girl Scout troop I help lead.

Silly Bandz appear to be a reincarnation of an earlier craze, slap bracelets. And just like slap bracelets, Silly Bandz have been banned (excuse the pun) in some schools — which, really, just makes them more desirable.

Deal Diva Dalia Colón

'Eat Less' shirt just plain terrible, pulled from store 06/04/10 [Last modified: Friday, June 4, 2010 9:17pm]

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