It's the morning after. When you come down from the Christmas high, reality appears like a sad song. There is tinsel stuck to your thigh. You are fatter than you once were. If you hear that dancing Hallmark Santa jingle his bells one more time, so help you, you'll heave him down the garbage disposal. And, oh, the presents. We here at Deal Divas are a glass-half-full bunch — and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise (LIES!). We're here to cheer you on. Don't make haste to the mall to exchange the Big Mouth Billy Bass. Just be a little inventive and "repurpose" your bad gifts. It's cathartic, and you'll feel all artistic. Here are some tips to get you started.
Like you needed another candle, right? Get a double boiler and melt the sucker down! Use the wax to seal your letters — you'll feel cute mailing your power bill payment, as if you're living in Colonial Williamsburg. Add food coloring and make the wax a lake for Junior's school diorama project. Or store it away for hurricane season, and you'll have the most decorative power outage on the block.
This one comes courtesy of Deal Diva Dalia, who always was the crafty one. Cut the arms off that terrifying sweater, she says, stuff it with batting, and sew it back up. Instant pillow! Yes, it's still ugly, but the beauty of decor is that you can call it "kitschy" and "quirky," and suddenly you're a design genius.
Did you get Burt Bacharach's Labor Day Favorites? RuPaul Sings the Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe? The Sounds of Rumspringa, Volumes 3 through 12? Consider them your new collection of kitschy drink coasters! Or string them all together, shiny side out, and hang them in a kitchen window. The light will cast prisms through your house. Quirky!
We challenge anyone to denigrate the all-knowing majesty of the Snuggie. It is a BLANKET with ARMS. Oh, my GOD! But we realize that some of you are, for lack of a better word, haters. For you, we suggest ignoring the sleeves and using it like a regular blanket. Or stick it into your dog's bed. But don't be surprised if you see Bowser lounging on the couch using the remote. With his ARMS.
Bath and body sets
Just when you thought you couldn't possibly get any more lotion, you got more lotion. You could always re-enact a creepy scene from Silence of the Lambs, but for the sake of everyone involved, why not donate the lotion to one of the many women's shelters in town, such as CASA or the Spring?
Big Mouth Billy Bass
Yeah, we never actually had any ideas for this one. But we got you to keep reading!
Deal Diva Colleen offers this idea: Save all your odds and ends, and start planning an awesome January re-gifting party. Your guests can bring their castoffs and leave with their very own gems from your pile of misery. You never know when your office podmate might benefit from a shower radio. And you probably didn't want to know either, so we apologize in advance.
Read more shopping tips and snark from the Deal Divas at blogs.tampabay.com/deals.