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The name of the lame

By STEVE SPEARS, Times staff writer
In print: Sunday, September 14, 2008

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If only hotel bar names had the same knock-down power as the drinks they concoct. The same brilliant minds that conceive of glittering waterfalls in the lobbies and plasma-screen TVs in the bathrooms suddenly run out of creativity when it comes to naming any hotel's most important amenity: the watering hole. Here are just a few examples of Tampa Bay area hotel bars that fall far short of having intoxicating names.

WHAMMY BAR in the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino: Now we're getting clever. An electric guitar's tremolo bar is sometimes called a "whammy bar." Also called a "wang bar." Hard Rock chose wisely. (5223 N Orient Road, Tampa)

SKYYE LOUNGE in the Tampa Airport Marriott: Yes, the rarely used Danish spelling of Sky — maybe? But definitely the name of the spaced-out jazzanova, samba-funk music duo from London. Yeah, really. Download the lovely Shades of Blue from their MySpace page. (Tampa International Airport)

THE WAVE at Shephard's Beach Resort and Hotel: Anyone else remember the 1981 ABC After School Special about the teacher who explains Nazi Germany to his students by organizing them into an evil movement called "the Wave?" And that was without tequila shooters! (601-619 S Gulfview Blvd., Clearwater Beach)

COASTERS in the Hilton Clearwater Beach Resort: Let's see … "Coasters" — it's not only a bar accessory where you place your frosty mug, it's also a play on the bar's geographical location. Get it? If not, put your Pink Floyd albums away and just be glad the place isn't called "Stools." (400 Mandalay Ave., Clearwater)

JIMMY IGUANA BAR in the Holiday Inn Hotel Clearwater Beach: I wonder if that's the same JAMES Iguana with whom I went to elementary school. If I'd known he'd open a beach bar one day, I wouldn't have kicked so much sand down his pants during recess. (521 S Gulfview Blvd., Clearwater Beach)

B.R. CUDA'S SPORTS BAR at the Tradewinds Island Grand: Hmmm, baffling at first. But say it fast. Barracuda's! Knee-slappingly clever — after a couple of hard drinks. We're hoping the bar's clientele doesn't resemble the fish too much. Though fang-like teeth and dorsal fins are really in these days. (5500 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach)

THE BAR AT 725 SOUTH in the Westin Harbour Island: You can't help but love a place with helpful information — like the street address — in its name. I'm heading straight here after happy hour wraps up at "the Bar Where I Left My Car Keys." (725 S Harbour Island Blvd, Tampa)

LOBBY BAR at the Tampa Marriott Waterside: Ah, yes, from the people who brought you "the Bar at 725 South" comes the highly anticipated sequel — the Lobby Bar. Are you beginning to think you should just rent a room and stick with — wait for it — the Mini-Bar? (700 S Florida Ave., Tampa)

Steve Spears normally writes about bad hair, shiny gold suits and awesomely powerful rockers at his award-winning Stuck in the '80s blog on tampabay.com. Come to think of it, he'd make a great lounge singer in any of these bars.