Few places embrace sin like fantastically trashy Tampa Bay. We proudly offer a multitude of options on all seven deadly ones — especially lust. And you can indulge in all of 'em without worrying (too much) about bail money. Here they are, the area's most desirably skeezy spots for having wicked fun. Enjoy, sinners!
Seven Seas What better way to start our Seven Deadly Sins tour than with a stop at Seven Seas? Also known as "Seven Sleaze" and "Seven Diseases," it's a full-nude strip club infamous for its full-contact, private lap dances ($20). Or at least that's what we hear goes on behind those closed doors in the back. Located near iconic Tampa jiggle joints Mons Venus and 2001 Odyssey, Seven Seas is a rad place to O.D. on raunch, particularly if you're low on cash and have lost all sense of decency. 3023 W Kennedy Blvd., Tampa, (813) 874-1145.
The Rack Sushi Bar and Billiards Lounge Tampa's classiest pool hall presents a killer Monday night over-consumption special of all-you-can-eat-crab-legs for $22.95 from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. From 7 p.m. to last call, you can wash down those tasty crustaceans with $2.50 Miller Lite drafts, $3 Coors Light bottles and $5 Jägermeisters. All that seafood and butter making you sleepy? Revive with a $6 Jager-bomb. 1809 W Platt St., Tampa. (813) 250-1595, hittherack.com.
Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino It ain't the Bellagio, but the Seminole Hard Rock does have most everything a gambling man could want. There are ample card games, including new blackjack tables. In the massive poker room, you can try your luck at Texas Hold 'em, Omaha Hi-Lo or Seven-Card Stud. Think you're a real card shark? Enter the casino's high-limit room next to the Whammy Bar. Bets start at $100. Yes, there are nearly 3,000 slot machines — but those are for your mom, or granny. Same goes for the video bingo, dude. 5223 N Orient Road, Tampa. (866) 502-7529, seminolehardrocktampa.com.
Tranquility Day Spa This pampering palace in St. Petersburg is the ideal place to escape the horrors of being a cubicle monkey. Slothing solo is fine, but we suggest upping the pleasure factor by bringing your latest lady friend. The "Vacation Escape for Two" package ($314) includes manicure, pedicure, lunch and a 60-minute side-by-side "relaxation message." Seriously, it's stuff like this that will get you to fifth base. 149 Second St. N, St. Petersburg, (727) 898-7800, tranquility-day-spa.com.
Blitzkrieg Paintball The enduring popularity of paintball is simple: It's the closest most people will ever come to actually shooting someone. Blitzkrieg Paintball, just off I-275 on Bearss Ave., promises the "most intense paintball experience Tampa has to offer." The battleground has four individual fields and a "jungle" play area where you can attempt to recreate your favorite scene from Apocalypse Now or Platoon (just pray the crazy old man with dog tags doesn't have a flashback). In addition to day combat, Blitzkrieg is fully lighted for after-dark attacks, so don't forget those night-vision goggles! 15206 Dunwood St., Tampa, (813) 971-4306, blitzkriegpaintball.net.
Bayshore Boulevard Stroll down Tampa's tony Bayshore Boulevard and you can't help feeling more green than tan. Perfectly chiseled bodies somehow jog in the Florida heat without so much as breaking a sweat as they pass plantation-style monster homes and McMansions. Sure, watching a UT coed bounce her way along the boulevard is a sublime surveying experience. But then there are the totally ripped dudes. Yeah, nice six-pack, brah. Now put your shirt back on so I can drink this beer without feeling all bad about the pony-keg that's my gut!
Raymond James Stadium during a Tampa Bay Buccaneers Game Taking pride in your coin, stamp or comic book collection might just be a sin. But home team hubris is something to be celebrated — not condemned. And few fans are fiercer than the Bucs'. Raymond James, with its wide swaths of grassy parking, is the perfect place for tailgating — and witnessing Tampa Bay fanaticism first-hand. We take pride in our Bucs, even if they did totally choke last year under finally departed "Chucky" (Jon Gruden). Doubt the ferocity of pewter power? Show up at Ray-Jay one Sunday next season wearing visiting team colors. 4201 Dale Mabry Highway North, Tampa, (813) 350-6504, raymondjames.com/stadium.