I didn't think anyone could make me support Rachael Ray.
The cooking queen is just too darn perky. Too upbeat.
Too over-the-top happy to be slicing a tomato.
When Dunkin' Donuts pulled an online ad featuring the cheery cherub, I figured the execs had had enough of a personality that's more sugary than a glazed Krispy Kreme, fresh from the oven.
I was wrong.
Dunkin' Donuts yanked the ad because of a scarf.
A scarf.
Actually, it pulled the ad because a group of sharp-eyed conservative bloggers discovered that Ray, or a designer, or a stylist, or a genie in a bottle, or Tinker Bell, was sending us subliminal, subversive messages.
Rachael Ray was dressed like a jihadist sympathizer!
In the ad, she holds one of the company's coffees. She is wearing a dark, short-sleeved shirt. Around her neck is a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design and fringe. She carries a brown purse.
Fit her for a Guantanamo jumpsuit.
But not for supporting terrorists.
For bad accessorizing.
But where I see an ugly scarf that doesn't work with the purse, the bloggers see something dastardly — a keffiyeh.
Michelle Malkin calls it hate couture on her blog.
The keffiyeh, "for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad," Malkin writes. She says the symbol has been "mainstreamed by ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities and left-wing icons."
Malkin adds: "I highly doubt the executive offices (at Dunkin' Donuts) are filled with moonbats who endorse Ray's keffiyeh chic."
The company says no symbolism was intended.
But it pulled the ad anyway.
Why?
Because someone sees something that isn't there?
Wikipedia.com says the traditional keffiyeh "is commonly found in arid areas to provide protection from direct sun exposure, as well as for occasional use in protecting the mouth and eyes from blown dust and sand."
So an Arab man wearing a keffiyeh is akin to a cowboy wearing a Stetson.
What has the bloggers in a tizzy is that the keffiyeh, for some, became a symbol of the plight of Palestinians in the 1970s. Yasser Arafat always sported one.
A friend, a special agent with the FBI, has a keffiyeh. No one would suggest he was ever buddies with Yasser.
A scarf?
Why is it that the far-left and far-right scream the loudest about our rights, right up until the moment they advocate taking them away?
But let's give these bloggers a little leeway. By the time the Internet spawned blogs, the Red Scare was over. They missed the chance to attack the world's greatest Commie threat: Santa Claus. (Hey buddy, explain that red suit.)
So instead they latch on to what they can.
In 2005, a blogger wondered whether the Today show's Matt Lauer was wearing a "Palestinian support scarf" under his black overcoat on a cold December morning. About a half-inch of the scarf was visible under each lapel. It was black and white.
A scarf.
If I were the Boy Scouts, I'd start worrying about those neckerchiefs.
A quick Internet search turned up some other images sure to disturb the bloggers. See if you can pick out the "left-wing icons."
• Lauren Bush, a fashion model and the daughter of Neil Bush, wearing a keffiyeh. She's President George W. Bush's niece.
• Meghan McCain, the daughter of the presumptive GOP presidential nominee, sporting a keffiyeh. (Malkin said Meghan should "know better.")
• Our president, shaking hands with keffiyeh-wearing leaders from the Middle East.
• Some of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, who use them to protect against the sun and sand.
Maybe the bloggers should go after them.
Nah, Ray is an easier target. On the other hand, she does have a higher approval rating than the president, even before I flipped to her side.
Now that they have protected us from anything resembling a keffiyeh, I hope this group of bloggers can rid America of another insidious fashion statement — a move that would save untold pain and suffering daily.
The necktie.
Kyle Kreiger rants about the serious and silly with one question in mind: Why? Contact him at kreiger@sptimes.com.
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