TAMPA — It's hard to get into Buccaneer Heaven. Among the trio of Buc quarterbacks this woebegone year, not one has won his wings, not one has a jersey hanging on the sales racks, or a bobble head. Even 2002 fan of the year "Big Nasty" has a bobble head. But it's hard to get into Buccaneer Heaven after a season in hell.
Buccaneer Heaven is the longtime jersey/souvenir shrine on Florida Avenue. It's owned by Jeffrey Neil Fox. He is Buccaneer Heaven's St. Peter.
Fox is a big, kindly looking man with patient eyes, one who has known high and lows. A few years ago, Fox amended his sign so it now says "Bucs & Bulls Heaven." He gave over half the store to his alma mater, USF. That has helped tide him over. When the Bulls whipped the Seminoles in September, he sold a thousand T-shirts.
On the Buccaneer Heaven side, it feels like 2003. There's long-gone Jon Gruden, there's dearly departed Dexter Jackson and Derrick Brooks. There they feast for eternity on the spoils of Super Bowl XXXVII.
Well, St. Peter, what must a quarterback do nowadays to earn such a ticket to Buccaneer Heaven?
"Light it up," he says.
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Buccaneer Heaven has more than 5,000 Buc things. It has Buc pingpong balls ($5.99); a Bucs baby pacifier ($4.99); and for the handyman a Bucs claw hammer with laces on a pigskin grip ($19.99).
But the real treasures are the actual jerseys that soaked up actual sweat from actual shoulders of Buc immortals.
Oh, golly, there's Mike Alstott's framed Super Bowl XXXVII jersey. Old No. 40. He even signed it "A-Train."
Ooh, beside it is Hall of Famer Lee Roy Selmon's signed No. 63 jersey — when the Bucs still wore orange.
Either one costs $999.
And there — 11-time Pro Bowler Derrick Brooks' signed 2004 Pro Bowl jersey.
It's $1,499.
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Quarterbacks in Buccaneer Heaven seem to be the retired ones or banished ones. Beloved Doug Williams (who led the Bucs to three playoff appearances) resides cozily in the retro section. Benighted Chris Simms and Jeff Garcia — bless their tortured souls — each dangle a foot in hell. Their jerseys occupy the kiddie clearance rack.
How about the 2009 trio of Buc quarterbacks? How about that poor devil whose job as starting QB lasted from Aug. 29 to Sept. 28?
"Byron Leftwich? Have we got Leftwich?" Fox calls out.
Says his son at the cash register, "No Leftwich."
How about Josh Johnson, who followed Leftwich, who got sacked every Sunday like an Idaho potato?
"No Johnson."
How about Johnson's successor — the heretofore low-mileage, garage-kept rookie Josh Freeman, who starts his first game Sunday against the Packers?
Come Monday, Freeman may plummet to Inferno Circle 8. Or he may ascend to Buccaneer Heaven, to find his own red jersey with authentic NFL equipment loop label, jock tag and satin neck taping, and the name FREEMAN stitched on the back.
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