This weekend fish hatcheries around the state will be frightening birds. This will happen immediately after the hatcheries finish grilling their burgers, but not before they go to the 7-Eleven for another 12-pack of Bud Light.
Somewhat coincidentally, the state's 850,000 mining operators will be quarrying intensively shortly after sunset, just as soon as they can remember what pocket they left the lighter in.
On Monday evening, patriots of all ages may wish to gather around poorly marked railroad tracks where railway workers will demonstrate their signalization prowess with a shimmering fusillade of pyrotechnic thrills. Don't miss the finale — a spectacular white chrysanthemum known statewide as the signal for "Better get your car started because there's a train coming."
Fourth of July in Florida. There's nothing like it.
Regular folks aren't allowed to explode any fireworks. State law is clear on this (viz Section 791.02). Fortunately, our lawmakers know their way around a loophole, which brings us to Sections 791.04 and 791.07.
"Nothing in this chapter shall be construed to . . . prohibit the use of fireworks by railroads or other transportation agencies for signal purposes or illumination or when used in quarrying or blasting or other industrial use."
Legislators didn't forget the many fish farmers among us who feel, at this time of year, a swelling love for our nation mixed with a dread that we are not properly prepared to combat a sudden infestation of hungry egrets.
You won't have to drive far to find a roadside tent or storefront packed with Patriotic Powerblast Fountains and Pyro Pulverizers. All you need to do is sign the waiver that says you are exactly what you say you are: you know, a quarryman.
Just be safe, you never know where those rockets . . . I mean rocks are going to go.
Bill Duryea, Times staff writer