If you're heading out to the auditions for ABC's Bachelor/Bachelorette shows today at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, we've got a few tips to keep in mind if you want to get into that coveted first rose ceremony.
Don't . . . tell producers you like the way past Bachelorette star Mary Delgado handles relationship disputes. (Google her name, and you'll see what we mean.)
Don't . . . cite indicted ex-Chicago area cop Drew Peterson as a romantic role model.
Don't . . . tell producers that Jason Mesnick should have picked both Melissa Rycroft and Molly Malaney like your personal hero, Big Love protagonist Bill Henrickson.
Don't . . . tell the producers about your exploits with Bret Michaels as one of the hoochies on the Rock of Love Bus.
Don't . . . sing What's Love Got to Do With It at your audition.
Don't . . . pick a fight with the other contestants — yet.
Don't . . . tell them that Tila Tequila is your personal role model and that you'll audition for both shows.
Don't . . . bring along that glass of champagne you just ordered at the poolside bar; they'll think you're only there for the drinkfests that seem to occur every 10 minutes on the show.
Do . . . summon some really good tears as you describe your backstory of love and loss (even if it's totally exploitative).
Do . . . be sure to show some cleavage; after all, you paid for it.
Do . . . wear a tight enough shirt that it shows off pecs worthy of those hot tub scenes.
Do . . . remember that the show hasn't really produced a lot of happily married couples — but then that's not the point, is it?