Bert and Ernie — gay? No, they're just best friends

It was a line that reminded me of the coolest moment from Jim Cameron's most-excellent 1986 film Aliens, when plucky child survivor Newt reminds hero Ripley that a doll's head she owns doesn't have bad dreams because she's "just a piece of plastic."

The more recent version came courtesy of Sesame Workshop, the company that produces venerated children's show Sesame Street, reacting to press coverage of an online petition suggesting Muppet characters Bert and Ernie marry, following New York's historic legalization of gay marriage (Change.org says more than 7,700 people have signed their petition).

"Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation," read the company's statement, which also noted Bert and Ernie are best friends, designed to show how cool it is to befriend someone different on a show set in a fictional New York neighborhood.

As Newt might say, Bert and Ernie won't get married, because they are just pieces of foam and fake hair.

As a supporter of gay marriage, I'm never one to avoid discussing how social mores play out in kids TV shows. But also I resist the attempt to slap a sexual orientation on Bert and Ernie for a different reason: I've always loved the way Sesame Street leaves so much of their lives to our imagination.

Are they children or adults? Roommates or siblings? Best buddies or significant others?

The truth is, Bert and Ernie change according to whatever the moment requires. But part of the fun for older minds who might find themselves stuck in front of a Sesame Street broadcast from time to time — i.e., parents — is imagining who they actually are.

Granted, I'm probably overthinking this; practically a job requirement for a TV critic.

But the simple message of embracing a wide array of friends may open more young minds to acceptance of gay people than any wedding.

Though I can't lie, I would LOVE to see Guy Smiley officiate, while Elmo carries the rings and Cookie Monster — who else? — handles desserts.