On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Defiance, 9 p.m., SyFy In case you aren't playing the video game tie-in, this is about humans dealing with the illegal immigration of seven alien races that ruin the planet by 2046. Wait, we may have just made the metaphorical into the literal.
Mike & Molly, 9:30 p.m., CBS So now we're watching this show after seeing Melissa McCarthy on Saturday Night Live. It's not too bad.
SEASON FINALE Dallas, 10 p.m., TNT Finally, the age-old question of "Who shot J.R." has to be answered. Shockingly, it wasn't Maggie Simpson.
Revolution, 10 p.m., NBC Whenever the potential detonation of a nuclear weapon is at stake, our palms get all sweaty. We blame watching The Day After so many years ago.
SEASON PREMIERE Don't Be Tardy…, 9 p.m., Bravo Who woulda thunk Kim Zolciak's escape plan from The Real Housewives of Atlanta would have legs? Well, after she had the kid we shoulda guessed.
SEASON PREMIERE Deadliest Catch, 9 p.m., Discovery Another season of watching burly men catching crabs. No, this is the Discovery Channel, not HBO.
The Central Park Five, 9 p.m., PBS Ken Burns is showing his daughter Sarah and David McMahon the ropes by recounting the wrongful 1989 rape conviction of five black and Latino teens.
SERIES PREMIERE Who Gets the Last Laugh?, 10 p.m., TBS Punk'd co-creators Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg help comedians think up hidden-camera pranks, then the audience gets to vote for which is the funniest. The winner gets $10,000 for charity and the satisfaction that Kutcher is making enough money to give them $10,000.
SEASON FINALE Suburgatory, 8 p.m., ABC Two episodes wrap this season, with George booting Tessa, who then moves out. As if that's a real problem. Isn't that what you wanted?
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., SyFy The first of six new episodes, in which TAPS heads to Shreveport, La., to see if there are ghosts there. You'd think that would be Southern Paranormal Investigators' job.
SEASON FINALE Boston's Finest, 9 p.m., TNT The best TV cops always have some criminal brother or misfit cousin or something. Jenn Penton has an addict sister, so you know that's gonna be trouble.
SEASON FINALE Southland, 10 p.m., TNT Lydia goes after John's kidnappers. John, meanwhile, would probably like to forget he was abducted.
Parks and Recreation, 9 p.m., NBC Leslie wants to get rid of some outdated Pawnee laws. The one forbidding women from serving in politics probably will cause some problems.
Chef Wanted With Anne Burrell, 10 p.m., Food A Cuban cafe is celebrating 50 years by looking for a new chef. It must be safe to say the kitchen didn't operate that way all five decades.
Men at Work, 10 p.m., TBS The boys want to impress the magazine's new editor, who no doubt will forget all of their names moments after meeting them. Then they all realize they work for a magazine and drink heavily.
The Moment, 10 p.m., USA A guy named Kyle wants to be a race driver, but is close to selling his car and giving up. Kurt gives him lessons with a racing school, in the hopes he may land a spot on a team. After one weekend of racing? Yeah, okay.
Chasing Ice, 8 p.m., NatGeo Watch this special about receding glaciers and quake in fear. Or rejoice that if you live inland a bit, you will soon own waterfront property.
Fashion Star, 8 p.m., NBC The contestants have to create an ensemble for a "big night out." It's not specified if you're going to the Oscars, or just hitting the corner bar on the way home from buying diapers at Walmart.
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet The boys create an aquarium shaped like a spaceship with fizzy soda bottles. That's plenty to make you forget all about the melting glaciers.
Vegas, 9 p.m., CBS Lena finds a dead body in a hotel room, but OMG, so what you guys? Violet has Dixon arrested! That is so much more important.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com