On TV this week
William & Kate, 9 p.m., Lifetime There are all kinds of awful souvenirs for the royal wedding, so why not a TV movie retelling of their nine-year courtship? And since it's on Lifetime, it will feel like it takes that long, too.
The Event, 9 p.m., NBC For the 17 people still watching it, are we the only ones who feel like there are no protagonists on this show anymore? We want everyone but John Ritter's son bumped off by now.
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC Barbara Walters hosts "William and Catherine: A Modern Fairytale,'' in case the Lifetime movie event isn't doing it for you.
SEASON PREMIERE Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too. 10 p.m., Oxygen Natalie from Season 4, Amber from Season 3 and Lea from Season 5 not only fight over 15 guys, but amongst themselves for the title Head Bad Girl in Charge. To the death! (Not really, unfortch.)
MINISERIES PREMIERE Royal Wedding of a Lifetime, 11 p.m., Lifetime After the movie dramatization, here's a six-part series to tell the true tale. What's that about feeling like it's taking nine years?
Life Inside the Vatican, 9 p.m., NatGeo Filmmakers got to go through the Vatican's buildings, vaults and archives for more than a year, and they still couldn't figure out the Da Vinci Code. Call Tom Hanks!
SEASON PREMIERE 16 and Pregnant, 10 p.m., MTV Stats say 30 percent of girls in the United States will get pregnant before they turn 20, but MTV won't let the numbers stay that low for long.
SEASON PREMIERE Explorer, 10 p.m., NatGeo More Catholicism, as the church allows forensics experts to examine the remains of Saints Chrysanthus and Daria, just to see if they really are who they are supposed to be. Tom Hanks would know.
SEASON FINALE Parenthood, 10 p.m., NBC Sarah starts worrying about Amber after she's in an accident. Before that, Amber was on her own.
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW It's that week when they pull out the clips cut from the season so far. As if we needed more footage to see that the girls all hate Alexandria.
Saving Pelican 895, 9 p.m., HBO A documentary following activists trying to save a brown pelican covered in oil by BP's drilling accident. Would you believe his check still hasn't arrived?
SERIES PREMIERE Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, 10 p.m., CBS Forest Whitaker heads up this latest spin-off from a crime show. They're part of an elite group of special agents who blah blah blah.
The Paul Reiser Show, 8 :30 p.m., NBC We didn't get 10 minutes into the premiere last week before we turned it off, so your guess is as good as ours.
30 Rock, 10 p.m., NBC The 100th episode celebrates by featuring a storyline about cancellation. They've still got it, all right.
SEASON FINALE Archer, 10 p.m., FX Archer brings ex-KGB agent Katya Kazanova home to meet Malory. They should get along fine.
Girls' Night Out: Superstar Women of Country, 9 p.m., CBS The Judds, Martina McBride, Loretta Lynn, Miranda Lambert, Jennifer Nettles, Reba McEntire and Carrie Underwood get awards for being so popular, even people who don't like country know their names.
Say Yes To The Dress: Princess Brides, 9 p.m., TLC Hmmm ... weddings with brides who wanted to feel like princesses. Is there some kind of news event coming up that this could be tied to?
SERIES PREMIERE Neighbor Labor, 10 p.m., CMT The makers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition get a bunch of people to help out their neighbors' homes in times of need. It's kinda sad you need to make this a TV show for neighbors to do this anymore.
— Joshua Gillin [email protected]