On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE Adventure Time, 7:30 p.m., Cartoon Network Finn and Jake are back, reveling in their second Emmy nomination. That means they can get guest voices as varied as Donald Faison, George Takei, Erik Estrada, Bobcat Goldthwait and Susie Essman. Hey, it's still just a cartoon.
Bones, 8 p.m., Fox Been looking for this show? It's back for the second half of its season, on a new night and time. If you were resourceful, you woulda found that out by now.
2012 NCAA Basketball Tournament, 9 p.m., CBS I don't watch much basketball, so I figure this final is between the school with the marginally interested basketball following and the school with the rabid bandwagon fans. That's how it usually is.
SEASON FINALE Intervention, 10 p.m., A&E A former model may drink herself to death thanks to a vodka habit. Surely someone told her the Absolut ads were a bad idea.
SEASON PREMIERE Giuliana & Bill, 8 p.m., Style While these summaries are usually pretty jokey, this season will be about Giuliana being diagnosed with breast cancer. They get a pass for a couple weeks.
SEASON FINALE Dance Moms, 9 p.m., Lifetime One of Abby Lee's dancers freezes onstage, jeopardizing the school's chances at the regional title. Then they all realized they're just little kids and went out for ice cream and pony rides after telling their overbearing, obsessive mothers to stick it.
SERIES PREMIERE No Kitchen Required, 10 p.m., BBC America Chefs Michael Psilakis, Madison Cowan and Kayne Raymond head to exotic locations such as Belize, Thailand, Fiji and New Zealand to cook meals with indigenous ingredients. So, roast kiwi bird, then?
SERIES PREMIERE Dance Moms: Miami, 10:30 p.m., Lifetime It's a spinoff of the original, just in case you were wondering if crazy mothers were ruining their children in South Florida, too.
SERIES PREMIERE Savage U, 11 p.m., MTV Columnist Dan Savage travels to college campuses to talk about sex. Legend has it that's a popular subject there.
MLB Baseball, 7 p.m., ESPN Baseball begins with the champion St. Louis Cardinals going to Miami so Major League Baseball can show off that gigantic tax boondoggle and architectural horror show the Marlins call a stadium. Be sure to wear sunglasses so the new unis don't blind you. (Go Rays!)
SERIES PREMIERE Betty White's Off Their Rockers, 8 p.m., NBC The hidden-camera special was such a hit and so inoffensive back in January that NBC decided it needed to happen again and again. Old people playing jokes on young people? You did that already; it's called Social Security.
Bobcat Goldthwait: You Don't Look the Same Either, 8 p.m., Showtime When he's not voice-acting for Adventure Time, Bobcat does standup. He's a lot funnier now than back when he used to shout into the microphone all the time. Plus, he jokes about divorce and going broke, which are hilarious topics.
SERIES PREMIERE Best Friends Forever, 8:30 p.m., NBC A divorcee goes back to Brooklyn to move in with her old pal, who has a live-in boyfriend. Watch out, pal, because misery loves company.
SEASON FINALE Happy Endings, 9:30 p.m., ABC Derrick and Eric's wedding is full of subplots that get to the heart of the message of the episode: That gay weddings are full of neurotic friends who could potentially ruin the proceedings, just like straight weddings!
2012 Masters tournament. 3 p.m., ESPN If you don't like baseball, first: What's wrong with you? Second: You can watch golf instead, if you really want.
Truck Stop USA, 8 p.m., Travel Trying to avoid as many references as possible, Joe Bechtold's series about his rest stop is back for a second season with a new name. Redneck Rest Stop didn't test well with audiences.
SEASON PREMIERE Sand Masters, 9 p.m., Travel Rusty and the team will try to make a 60-ton sand sculpture in Key West. You'd better hurry, before all the discarded open containers cover it up.
SERIES PREMIERE Scandal, 10 p.m., ABC Boston Legal's Kerry Washington relies on Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes to ratchet up the entertainment as she plays the head of a D.C. crisis-management firm. Because Rhimes is so good at writing stories about characters who can deal with crises.
The Finder, 8 p.m., Fox This show has a new night and time, but with luck you didn't need Walter to tell you that. Also: 50 Cent shows up as a music bigwig who wants to find out how his songs are getting distributed. Don't worry, Fiddy, every kid in America is just stealing them.
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC Edie Falco goes looking for the reason why she went from The Sopranos to Nurse Jackie. Surprise! She's mostly English, not Italian.
Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS Donnie Wahlberg reopens the case of a firefighter's suicide at the request of the man's 12-year-old son. What, you gonna tell him no?
SERIES PREMIERE Magic City, 10 p.m., Starz A period drama following the owner of a luxury hotel in 1950s Miami Beach who stresses out constantly. If nothing else, the real estate investment was sound.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com