On TV this week
Rules of Engagement, 8:30 p.m., CBS Jeff has to go to Audrey's boss's party instead of going to a hockey game, so he spends all night trying to avoid learning the score. Stay away from the jackasses with iPhones, then.
Gossip Girl, 9 p.m., CW Serena's dad shows up in Manhattan, and he looks surprisingly similar to William Baldwin. How embarrassing for her! It could at least be Daniel.
Trauma, 9 p.m., NBC A technical glitch ends up sending medics to the wrong places. That's what they get for being so dependent on iPhones.
30 for 30, 8 p.m., ESPN Here's a look at why Ricky Williams bugged out in 2004, quit the Miami Dolphins and moved to Australia to live on a beach and smoke weed all day. Well, there are worse ways to spend your millions, we suppose.
NCIS: Los Angeles, 9 p.m., CBS The team looks for a socialite connected to a Navy officer's murder. We find the best places to search are bars, police stations and rehab facilities, in that order.
SEASON PREMIERE The Hills, 10 p.m., MTV Admit it: The only reason you're watching is to see if Heidi Montag's new bod splits open at the seams like the ending of David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly.
SEASON FINALE High Society. 9:30 p.m., CW A sex scandal threatens Paula and Tommy's relationship. Read about it in The Juice*!
SERIES PREMIERE Sunset Daze, 10 p.m., WEtv Here's yet another reality series, this one set in a retirement community in Arizona. This is Florida! If we wanted to see how old people live, we'd just go outside.
SERIES PREMIERE Happy Town, 10 p.m., ABC Don't spoil it for us, but we get the feeling the title of this new drama starring Geoff Stults and Sam Neill may — just may — be ironic.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 9 p.m., CBS Half of an old Vegas comedy act is found dead. We'd be excited that Tim Conway is guest starring, but Jennifer Tilly will be getting all our attention.
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW We just think it's hilarious Matt Frewer plays Pestilence. That would be topped only by Samuel L. Jackson playing Death.
30 Rock, 9:30 p.m., NBC Since Will Forte is playing Jenna's new boyfriend, we're curious to see just how many Saturday Night Live refugees will eventually guest star on this show.
Wife Swap, 8 p.m., ABC A goth family swaps with a hockey-loving New York family. Where do they keep finding these clans that get along well enough to all like the same things?
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC Spike Lee finds out he has an unlikely Texas relative. Please let it be George W. Bush ... please let it be George W. Bush ... please let it be George W. Bush.
Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, 10 p.m., Food A chef has to cook a kosher meal for Orthodox Jews with a rabbi watching intently, but the title of this episode may be the best part. Seriously, "Challah Back" is better than anything we could come up with.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org