On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE The Pitch, 9 p.m., AMC Advertising executives at real ad firms fight for accounts. We can't wait until the week after every sweeps episode, when advertising gets cut and people get laid off. Entertainment!
Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m., CBS How much does Chuck Lorre despise Charlie Sheen? Charlie Harper is back as a ghost of himself, but he's being played by Kathy Bates. We're not kidding.
Smash, 10 p.m., NBC The show moves to Boston, so there will be plenty more conflicts. Because that's just how Boston is.
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC A witness to a homicide says a zombie attacked the victim. No, it's just people from The Biggest Loser desperate for something to eat.
SEASON FINALE The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC It's time for the final weigh-in, and time for the audience to pick an at-home winner to bring home $100,000. That's almost the better prize, because the eliminated contestants didn't have to sweat and grunt on TV the whole time.
Cougar Town, 8:30 p.m., ABC Jules is worried about Holly making out with Travis, proving once and for all this show about people in their 40s is written by people in their 20s.
Uprising: Hip Hop & the LA Riots, 9 p.m., VH1 Snoop Dogg narrates a documentary about the 1992 L.A. riots after the Rodney King beating. You know, because gangsta rap did so much to ease race relations.
Fashion Star, 10 p.m., NBC One contestant dares to ignore the advice of a pregnant — and very hungry — Jessica Simpson. Nice knowing you.
Suburgatory, 8:30 p.m., ABC George wants to take Eden to meet Tessa. You may want to skip over the fact she believes in prechewing her children's food.
Best Friends Forever, 8:30 p.m., NBC Jessica's all indignant that Lennon's former dance partner wants to help with the open house. He wants to work for free? You'd better take that where you can get it.
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC Phil buys a car without asking Claire, and Lily is sad when she leaves her favorite toy on the train. Solution: Lily only takes cars and Phil only takes trains.
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW The final six go to Macau to have silkworms thrown all over them. We hear you can get videos like that in Macau.
The Big Bang Theory, 8 p.m., CBS Howard's wedding may be ruined when NASA reschedules his mission. That's one heck of an excuse, right there.
The Secret Circle, 9 p.m., CW Adam ruins prom by uncloaking a crystal hidden in the school. He obviously didn't heed the dress code.
The First 48, 9 p.m., A&E A Dallas detective thinks a missing car has the clues he needs to solve a homicide. Too bad it's missing then, huh?
Parks and Recreation, 9:30 p.m., NBC Leslie spends the last day of her campaign on a bus tour. Wait, Modern Family already did the Election Day tour thing this season.
Shark Tank, 8 p.m., ABC A woman has a line of accessories allowing you to turn any pair of shoes into boots. That'll look great with a pair of Crocs.
Grimm, 9 p.m., NBC A woman dies after her stepdaughter loses everything in a Ponzi scheme. She wasn't married to the owner of the New York Mets, was she?
SERIES PREMIERE Goldfathers, 10 p.m., NatGeo Another show about gold mining in Alaska. Gold Rush must not have been enough for all those rabid Alaska fans.
SERIES FINALE In Plain Sight, 10 p.m., USA Mary Shannon gives up the title of U.S. Marshal as this series ends after five years. Oops, spoiler alert.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org