On TV this week
SEASON FINALE Bunheads, 9 p.m., ABC Family Michelle and Fanny have to work together on a production of The Nutcracker. Everything's sure to work out juuuust fine.
SEASON PREMIERE Beyond Scared Straight, 10 p.m., A&E Girls in Boston have to spend time in a women's jail to see what it's like. It's like a family reunion for these kids, that's what it's like.
SEASON FINALE The Glass House, 10 p.m., ABC Somebody gets $250,000 tonight, but they'll probably have to give it all to CBS when they win a lawsuit claiming copyright on this Big Brother ripoff.
SERIES PREMIERE The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV An adaptation of a British series about four friends in high school. What, they don't have high schools here?
SEASON PREMIERE Face Off, 9 p.m., SyFy Sean Astin works with 11 new contestants trying to create aliens for a Star Wars movie. So this whole episode will be done on computers, then.
VH1 Do Something Awards, 9 p.m., VH1 Young celebs like Kristen Bell, Ben Affleck, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Nicole Richie, Neil Patrick Harris, Channing Tatum and Emma Stone are all nominated for being tops in community service hours. Wait, Ben Affleck isn't all that young.
Mysteries at the Museum, 9 p.m., Travel It's a clip show. You'd think there'd be enough weirdness out there to avoid something like this.
Covert Affairs, 10 p.m., USA Annie has to get the prime minister of Yemen's chief of staff to be a mole for the CIA. The P.M.'s having heart surgery; he won't mind.
Restaurant: Impossible, 9 p.m., Food Robert Irvine revisits some of his best and worst moments for the show's 50th episode. Remember when he tried to open a restaurant in St. Pete but was run out of town because we all found out he falsified his cooking experience? Ah, good times.
SERIES PREMIERE Abandoned, 9 p.m., NatGeo Three more guys wander across America looking for valuable things in burnt-out hulks and abandoned factories. These shows will come in handy as scavenger training once the zompocalypse is upon us.
Top Chef Masters, 10 p.m., Bravo The Indigo Girls get something to eat during the quickfire, then the chefs have to cook brunch for former Girls Next Door star Holly Madison. They should combine the guest appearances to make things truly interesting.
Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA Dani treats a pair of tennis players, leading to a lot of groan-inducing sexual innuendo and double entendres. Something about "mixed doubles" and using the term "love" repeatedly.
Trip Flip, 9 p.m., Travel Bert Kreischer takes two college grads through Rome, letting them ride Vespas and fight like gladiators. That's a lot better than schlepping backpacks over the hills and spending all day in the Internet cafe.
SEASON FINALE Burn Notice, 9 p.m., USA Michael tries to capture an assassin in Panama, who ends up finding out the team is in town. That's what makes for a good assassin.
Rookie Blue, 10 p.m., ABC A death threat against a priest exposes a long-running drug war. Try to remember the commandment, "Thou shalt not snitch."
SEASON FINALE Suits, 10 p.m., USA Mike goes UA just as the Pearson Hardman power structure begins to transform. Is anyone else seeing a real Mad Men Season 2 vibe going on here?
NFL Preseason Football, 8 p.m., CBS The Chicago Bears visit the New York Giants, so we'll get to see if Jay Cutler's thumb is still working or not. Eli Manning, meanwhile, will spend plenty of time polishing his two Super Bowl rings on the bench. The preseason!
SEASON PREMIERE America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW Mr. Jay, Nigel and Ms. J are all gone, and only Tyra remains. Now a bunch of people we've never heard of head to campuses across America to find girls who are already doing something with themselves and attempt to convince them they need to be objectified to matter.
HGTV Urban Oasis 2012, 9 p.m., HGTV A 1,700-square-foot custom-designed apartment on the 20th floor of Miami's Paramount Bay could be yours if you meet some arcane and circuitous criteria.
SERIES PREMIERE I Found the Gown, 10 p.m., TLC In case you want to do more than Say Yes to the Dress, head to Boston and find a really good deal on wedding attire.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org