On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE Top Gear, 9 p.m., BBC America The 17th season of people driving around cars you'll probably never even get to look at in person starts tonight. Watch it after you drive home in your 1993 Civic.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, 9 p.m., Bravo Patti Stanger brings Tori Spelling in to show a guy why he's wrong to not like career-oriented women. That's just the thing you need to hear from a woman who got her acting start on a show produced by her daddy.
SEASON FINALE American Ninja Warrior, 9 p.m., NBC Apparently G4 isn't good enough to show the end of this season's reworking of the Japanese game show. First hint that it's American: There are even finalists in the last obstacle course.
SERIES PREMIERE La La's Full Court Life, 9 p.m., VH1 La La Vazquez and hubby Carmelo Anthony move to New York after he's traded to the Knicks. How convenient that her pal Kim Kardashian is in town to show her the new reality-TV-show ropes.
SEASON PREMIERE The T.O. Show, 9:30 p.m., VH1 Is this even a show if Terrell Owens isn't on an NFL team? When the Cincinnati Bengals don't want you, you have real issues.
SERIES PREMIERE Bear Swamp Recovery, 10 p.m., TruTV Unfortunately, this show has nothing to do with recovering bears in swamps. It's just another boring show about a family-run business — in this case, a repo company.
Auction Kings, 9 p.m., Discovery A teenager is selling her dad's collection of 1970s lunchboxes. Ooooo! Do you have an original Battlestar Galactica in there?
America's Got Talent, 9 p.m., NBC It's semifinals time, so revel as eight of the 12 acts get booted one by one. Fun!
Downsized, 9 p.m., WEtv Bailey has car trouble, meaning she may miss curfew. Yeah, we used that excuse a lot, too. It's amazing how loose those plug wires are, dad!
SERIES PREMIERE Buried Treasure Leigh and Leslie Keno from Antiques Roadshow really hit the road to sift through people's stuff and tell them how much it's worth. Because sentimental value is dead.
SEASON PREMIERE Confessions: Animal Hoarding, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Tonight's nightmare fodder: A guy who lives with his mom has all sorts of venomous snakes just sorta hanging out in his bedroom. You know, where he sleeps. At night.
SEASON PREMIERE Top Chef: Just Desserts, 10 p.m., Bravo Fourteen new chefs appear on this backup to the parent competition, which apparently still doesn't think a Top Chef needs to know how to roll phyllo dough.
Slammed: Inside Indie Wrestling, 10 p.m., NatGeo A look at the minor leagues of pro wrestling, far away from the crowds, but not the steroids, drug use, physical abuse or premature death.
Hot in Cleveland, 10 p.m., TV Land Cedric the Entertainer arrives to play a minister for the sole purpose of laying the groundwork for a future spin-off. We thought they only did that with established characters. Betty White must be angry.
Rising: Rebuilding Ground Zero, 8 p.m., Discovery A special by Steven Spielberg showing how the Ground Zero memorial was built, so you know when you see President Obama speak from there in two weeks.
SERIES PREMIERE Killer Food, 10 p.m., Food A series that follows people who hunt or harvest food that could just as easily eat you, like rattlesnakes and alligators. This must be a recession-proven show, because if you're hungry enough, you'll eat anything.
Earth Overhaul, 10 p.m., NatGeo Scientists discuss how to reverse global warming, which is a crazy idea, because they'll never get funding until half of Washington, D.C., is underwater. And even then, no guarantees.
Louie, 10:30 p.m., FX Louis C.K. heads to Afghanistan for a special hour-long episode. We usually don't like our funny that serious.
Man vs. Wild, 9 p.m., Discovery Finally, we get to meet the camera crew that follows Bear Grylls on his ridiculous adventures and try to find out if they're offscreen eating cheeseburgers while he eats bugs and drinks urine.
Life After Dinosaurs, 9 p.m., NatGeo A discussion of the evolutionary history of mammals after the death of the dinosaurs. Or, as the Kansas school system calls it, REDACTED.
Rat Busters NYC, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Another exterminator show, but this time set in New York and without organic and natural methods. You ever try to get rid of a Brooklyn cockroach with neem oil? They just laugh.
Torchwood: Miracle Day, 10 p.m., Starz Rex tries to prevent the collapse of society. Then he turns on Jersey Shore and realizes he's too late.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org