On TV this week
SEASON FINALE The Bachelorette, 8 p.m., ABC Folks have really rallied around Desiree Hartsock this season. Let's see if she gets what she wants, or is slammed on national television once again.
Return of Jaws, 9 p.m., Discovery It's Shark Week, y'all, and here's one about a robot submarine following great white sharks off Cape Cod. Watch out for that one named Bruce.
Below Deck, 10 p.m., Bravo In further reality show news, people on a ship annoy each other some more. The crew, we mean.
Siberia, 10 p.m., NBC In fake reality show news, somebody gets injured and the contestants organize a manhunt. No, they're just looking for someone, not actually hunting them — for now.
Wild Arabia, 8 p.m., Animal Planet If you're already tired of Shark Week, you can check out the denizens of the desert in this special. Also, you can explore the oil economy a little bit, which is obviously why you're watching Animal Planet.
SEASON PREMIERE Barter Kings, 10 p.m., A&E This season Steve and Antonio continue to trade things without using any cash. That will be a useful skill once the oil economy falls apart.
SEASON PREMIERE Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Cincinnati Bengals, 10 p.m., HBO This behind-the-scenes show is an annual sign the NFL is almost back. The premiere is like Groundhog Day, except it actually signifies something.
SERIES PREMIERE The Legend of Shelby the Swamp Man, 10 p.m., History Shelby Stanga from Ax Men gets his own show. First thing he's got to do is replace his houseboat, which was destroyed by a hurricane. Gripping.
SEASON PREMIERE Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles, 9 p.m., Bravo The houses these agents sell are so expensive, you'll have to write a commission check just to dream about them. And that was just during the recession.
SERIES PREMIERE Broadchurch, 10 p.m., BBC America Olivia Colman from Hot Fuzz and David Tennant from Doctor Who play detectives investigating the murder of an 11-year-old boy in a small English town. With that casting and plot hook, it's surprising that the media fascination with the town is the weirdest thing.
The Bridge, 10 p.m., FX A girl shows up in Juarez looking for an adventure. Try being a cop or a journalist without a bulletproof vest in that place.
Top Shot All-Stars, 10 p.m., History Strapping someone to a giant, rotating mechanical arm with a loaded pistol sounds like great TV. Whether it's great for the spectators is another question.
NFL Preseason Football, 8 p.m., ESPN If you missed the Hall of Fame Game on Sunday, here's your big chance to see a meaningless game. Since it's the Bengals and Falcons, you'll get to see the recap on Hard Knocks in a few days.
Sharkpocalypse, 9 p.m., Discovery A documentary that explores whether there are more shark attacks, or just that we're more aware of them. Maybe they should ask if the attacks are a coordinated effort to get revenge for all that shark fin soup the Chinese demand.
SEASON FINALE The Winner Is …, 9 p.m., NBC All the winners from the previous episodes get together to battle for the $1 million prize. Just once we'd like our predictions of Thunderdome to come true.
Invasion Roswell, 9 p.m., Syfy An anti-alien commando squad in training since 1947 finally gets to test their mettle when bug-eyed monsters come back to New Mexico. But what if all they wanted was to visit that rinky-dink museum in the old movie theater? Greg Evigan from My Two Dads and Denise Crosby from Star Trek: The Next Generation star, but both of them are looking more like the aliens these days.
SEASON PREMIERE Panic 9-1-1, 10 p.m., A&E More reenactments from real 911 calls, reminding you that no matter how stressful your job is, at least every phone call doesn't sound this bad.
The Great White Gauntlet, 8 p.m., Discovery Abalone hunters off the coast of Australia have to contend with sharks who think they are opening a buffet line. So long as the sharks eat the sea snails, the occupational hazards are lower than they seem.
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW The ongoing curse of having the worst weather possible continues when the contestants have to walk a vertical runway in the rain. Seriously, it's not like the crew checked the weather and saw the report and decided today would be a good day to fight the elements to make for good television or anything.
SEASON PREMIERE Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax Scott and Stonebridge are on vacation when a team member is killed in Beirut, forcing them to return to work. Some people are so selfish!
— Joshua Gillin [email protected]