On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Bachelor Pad, 8 p.m., ABC Nineteen fan favorites from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette continue to prove what losers they are by all cramming together in a house, where none of them stands a chance at finding love, because the focus is winning $250,000.
Teen Choice 2010, 8 p.m., Fox Katy Perry hosts the people's choice awards chosen by the same sophisticated consumers who like 5 Hour Energy, Ke$ha and wearing their pants below their knees. That's how you know these count.
SEASON PREMIERE Dating in the Dark, 10 p.m., ABC Once again, three men and a trio of women will meet in the dark to see if they can get along well without seeing what everyone looks like. Like no one cops a feel during these meet-and-greets.
SEASON PREMIERE Flipping Out, 9 p.m., Bravo Jeff has gone from flipping houses to interior design, seeing as how no one will ever buy a new home again. They should change the title of the show, then.
The Rachel Zoe Project, 10 p.m., Bravo Rachel has to create looks for Kate Hudson, Eva Mendes, Cameron Diaz, Demi Moore and Paula Patten, all of whom are attending the Golden Globes. Because we've already seen the awards show, the chances of the stars not getting dresses are about as good as the chances that they paid for their attire.
Rescue Me, 10 p.m., FX HQ shuts down the firehouse, making it difficult for the crew to respond to a nearby call. The fact they responded to a call when the firehouse was closed is proof this isn't a union shop.
MINISERIES PREMIERE The Human Spark, 8 p.m., PBS (check local listings) Alan Alda hosts a three-parter about how we became the intelligent, artistic, sensitive and insightful beings we are by examining 30,000-year-old cave paintings while trying to make us forget he was Hawkeye from M*A*S*H.
Top Chef, 9 p.m., Bravo Restaurant Wars time! Although last we heard, D.C. isn't really a competitive kind of place. We can't wait to see Angelo take a meat cleaver to Alex.
SEASON PREMIERE Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the New York Jets, 10 p.m., HBO Gang Green is the star of this year's installment of this series, which is subsidized by the NFL to make us care even the slightest bit about the preseason.
SEASON FINALE So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m., Fox Who cares who wins? This is probably Nigel Lythgoe's final season of paying full attention to these contestants.
The Real Housewives of DC, 9 p.m., Bravo Drinks are flying as we get to see Michaele and Lynda get in that big fight they were mewling about on The View when the Salahis got all angry about Whoopi Goldberg. Can your eardrums handle the screeching?
SERIES FINALE Boston Med, 10 p.m., ABC This show was way better than another season of Grey's Anatomy. It was nice to see doctors who actually listened to their patients or cared about anyone but themselves. Plus: face transplant!
Nat Geo Amazing!, 7 p.m., NatGeo Besides the terracotta warriors of China, we get to meet scientists who trigger avalanches on purpose to study the effects. That's way cooler than another reality show about lumberjacks.
The Pillars of the Earth, 10 p.m., Starz William decides to attack Kingsbridge to thwart Aliena's success. Hey, we thought it was Jack and Alfred who were the ones really upset over her.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org