On TV this week
Let's just cut to the chase and spell out who will be on which network for the annual year-end concert shows:
iHeartRadio Music Festival, 8 p.m., CW Not a live show, but still featuring performances from Usher, Bon Jovi, Taylor Swift, Swedish House Mafia, Pink, Aerosmith, Rihanna, No Doubt, Lil' Wayne, Miranda Lambert and more.
NBC's New Year's Eve With Carson Daly, 10 p.m., NBC Train and The Voice winner Cassadee Pope.
Feliz 2013, 10 p.m., 2013 Dance parties across the country.
New Year's Eve Live '12, 11 p.m., Fox Lifehouse, Phillip Phillips and Carmen Electra.
Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve With Ryan Seacrest 2013, 11:30 p.m., ABC Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen, Neon Trees, Brandy, Flo Rida, Karmin, OneRepublic and Pitbull with Jenny McCarthy and Fergie co-hosting.
Club NYE, 11 p.m., MTV Ke$ha, Ne-Yo, Sean Kingston, Rita Ora, Conor Maynard, The Knocks, comic Jeff Dye, Jersey Shore's' Snooki and JWoww.
All American New Year, 11 p.m., Fox News Pat Benatar and Sarah Brightman. No, really.
106 & Party, 11 p.m., BET Trinidad James and Ca$h Out.
Eric Andre New Year's Eve Spooktacular, 11:30 p.m., Cartoon Even Adult Swim has Demi Lovato, Sebastian Bach, Omarosa, Kevin Sorbo, John Kricfalusi and more. Sure, it's not music, but eating contests are a decent alternative.
SEASON PREMIERE Dual Survival, 8 p.m., Discovery Actually, we're starting with a special episode, then the season premiere. We root for two men to be injured or killed in either case.
SEASON PREMIERE Dance Moms, 9 p.m., Lifetime Because the girls didn't practice at all during their break, Abby holds an audition to kick off two of the members. Because watching little girls cry is how we want to start the new year, of course.
SERIES PREMIERE The Sisterhood, 9 p.m., TLC It's like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but with respectable Atlanta preachers' wives. Well, not that respectable, or else they wouldn't have a reality show.
SERIES PREVIEW Double Divas, 10:30 p.m., Lifetime A reality show about a lingerie shop, which will technically premiere on Jan. 10. Why has no one thought of this before?
Orange Bowl, 8:30 p.m., ESPN Florida State plays the Northern Illinois Huskies in Miami. But the Seminoles around here already know that.
Sugar Bowl, 8:30 p.m., ESPN Florida plays the Louisville Cardinals in New Orleans. But the Gators around here already know that.
American Horror Story: Asylum, 10 p.m., FX The Monsignor has a confrontation with the devil. If ever you needed your iPhone to save an important calendar date ...
SERIES PREMIERE Life on Fire, 10 p.m., PBS A new docuseries about surviving around a volcano. Pro tip: Don't live near a volcano.
Cheer Perfection, 10 p.m., TLC A bunch of moms don't want to get involved in a charity cheer-off for a children's hospital. Don't you just love the people featured on this show?
Kathy Griffin: Kennedie Center On-Hers, 10 p.m., Bravo Kathy continues her track record of starring in comedy specials on the only network that will have her. At least she has the guts to make fun of Miley Cyrus. Wait, that's our job!
SERIES PREMIERE BUCKWILD, 10 p.m., MTV In case you thought Jersey Shore wasn't trashy enough, MTV changed the name and moved it to West Virginia. In case you didn't get enough of the rednecks around here.
SEASON PREMIERE What Not to Wear, 10 p.m., TLC Stacy and Clinton help '80s pop star Tiffany change her wardrobe. When most of your work is on SyFy Channel, your wardrobe isn't the problem.
Elementary, 10 p.m., CBS A hotel general manger is killed and stuffed in a washing machine. That's not really how you clean up a crime scene.
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS Two different murder victims are killed with a very unusual weapon. We keep getting accused of spoiling shows, so we won't tell you it's a computer printer.
Arrow, 9 p.m., CW This show turned out pretty well, so now you can watch the pilot all over again, without that pesky sense of dread about another superhero getting the hackneyed writer treatment.
SEASON PREMIERE Merlin, 10 p.m., SyFy Alexander Vlahos shows up as Mordred, who just may be a problem for Camelot. Arthur may want to meet this guy.
Over/Under, 10 p.m., USA A day trader loses his job because of his gambling problem, so he becomes a bookie. Makes perfect sense. This movie is actually the pilot for a show that didn't get picked up. But they liked the pilot enough to show the movie. Yeah.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org