On TV this week
Alaska Wing Men, 8 p.m., NatGeo What is it with basic cable and Alaska lately? Is it so we can see how great it is three months out of the year before we rip it all apart to drill for oil? At least this special about what we used to call bush pilots is only on for three hourlong episodes.
College Football, 8:37 p.m., ESPN In an attempt to make the BCS National Championship Game as unwatchable as possible, the NCAA is pitting two far-flung regional schools with minimal followings on a Monday a week and a half after New Year's Day. Because it's Ducks vs. Tigers, we'll pick Auburn.
SEASON PREMIERE The Bad Girls Club, 9 p.m., Oxygen This show would be so much better if it got Snooki and J-Woww from Jersey Shore, so we could watch this crew tear them apart.
SEASON PREMIERE The Haney Project, 9 p.m., Golf Tiger Woods' old swing coach, Hank Haney, returns to try to teach Rush Limbaugh how to handle his club. No, not that kind of swing coach, you perverts.
SEASON FINALE The Millionaire Matchmaker, 9 p.m., Bravo Former Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Freddie Mitchell is looking for love. At least it's not Terrell Owens.
SEASON PREMIERE Tosh.0, 10 p.m., Comedy Central This season, all we want to see is the Antoine Dodson Web Redemption.
SERIES PREMIERE Lights Out, 10 p.m., FX A former champion boxer tries to support his family, whether by working in boxing or being a debt collector. Both of them provide plenty of gut punches.
SERIES PREMIERE Onion SportsDome, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central Like The Daily Show, but with sports. And only once a week.
SERIES PREMIERE Let's Stay Together, 11 p.m., BET Five yuppies live, love and learn. As a further spin on the concept of Friends, all the white actors will have only minor roles.
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC 24's Mary Lynn Rajskub shows up to prove she's nowhere near as dour as was Chloe O'Brian.
SERIES PREMIERE Off the Map, 10 p.m., ABC Shonda Rhimes decides to take her winning formula — doctors who are too busy screwing around or fighting with each other to actually treat patients — to South America, where a group of them have set up camp in the jungle. That means lost of shirtless cast members.
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo The cheftestants must catch what they're going to cook during a deep-sea fishing expedition. All except Jamie, of course, who will gather scallops.
SEASON PREMIERE Police Women of Cincinnati, 9 p.m., TLC The female cops are in Ohio this time, in an effort to show the city has a lot more to it than a strange definition of chili and cool football helmets.
SERIES PREMIERE Beyond Scared Straight, 10 p.m., A&E It worked in 1978. Will it work with these Gen Y kids and their entitled attitude?
SEASON PREMIERE Laugh Out Loud Comedy Festival, 11 p.m., Showtime More stand-up comedy with lots of swearing. Take that, Comedy Central.
Smallville, 8 p.m., CW Who would've thunk the CW would be able to field 200 episodes of any show?
SEASON PREMIERE The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO Another season of Ricky and Stephen Merchant making fun of a man with marginal mental capacity.
SEASON PREMIERE Confessions: Animal Hoarding, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Because hoarding things just wasn't enough, we now have to gawk at mentally ill people who hoard living creatures even more.
SEASON PREMIERE Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO Hmmm ... we wonder if they're going to have any jokes about Congress this season.
SEASON FINALE Merlin, 10 p.m., SyFy Merlin's back in Camelot, but Morgana isn't done for just yet. The fate of the series, meanwhile, is in the hands of the Nielsen families.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com