On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE Jerseylicious, 8 p.m., Style Olivia decides to leave both Anthony and Gayle's salons to be an independent consultant. Five seasons must have been enough for her.
SERIES PREMIERE Built, 9 p.m., Style A New York City home design and construction service is staffed completely with handymen who also are models. Now you're hoping for that tool belt-initiated coin slot, aren't you?
SEASON PREMIERE Dallas, 9 p.m., TNT J.R. is still in this series, but sadly has numbered days because Larry Hagman died last year. Please, no shooting tie-ins.
Deception, 10 p.m., NBC Sofia and Robert meet Mia's new boyfriend. Remember what the Dunphys did with Haley's creepy boyfriend on Modern Family; that was genius.
NCIS, 8 p.m., CBS It's a bad day to be a Marine. First, one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children is involved in a car wreck on this show …
Emily Owens, M.D., 9 p.m., CW … Then, Emily has to perform an emergency skull procedure on another leatherneck injured in a bus crash. That's not what the term "jarhead" is supposed to mean.
SERIES PREMIERE Southie Rules, 10 p.m., A&E Why bother to make up a show about three generations of working-class Bostonians fighting off gentrification when you can simply make a reality show about it? Expect a lot of crude humor and not-so-inadvertent blue-collar stereotyping.
The Millionaire Matchmaker, 10 p.m., Bravo Denise Richards' father wants to find a girlfriend after being widowed five years. It seems his former son-in-law, Charlie Sheen, made some not-so-constructive suggestions.
Super Bowl's Greatest Commercials 2013, 8 p.m., CBS Boomer Esiason and Aisha Tyler host a show dedicated to the one thing that fat, sloppy, consumerist Americans love more than watching two packs of steroid monsters tear each other limb from limb in an overwhelmingly lopsided game punctuated by hours of standing around doing nothing: Ads that cost way too much, selling things no one watching needs. Except beer. We all need beer.
Top Chef: Seattle, 10 p.m., Bravo The chefs must create something with iceberg lettuce while on a cruise to Alaska. We swear, if one of them cuts it into wedges and severs it with Russian dressing, we are done with this show.
SERIES PREMIERE The Americans, 10 p.m., FX The Cold War was so fun, we can now look back and wax nostalgic for the days when America truly knew who our enemies were. Two Soviet spies living in the D.C. suburbs in the 1980s are doing great, undermining the capitalist pigs that we are, but gasp! An FBI agent moves in next door! A government agent, living in the nation's capital? How could they have planned for that?!?!?
Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA The team is trying to get used to Juliette, but considering Danielle Panabaker is still listed as a guest star, they may not have to worry about it for long.
SERIES FINALE 30 Rock, 8 p.m., NBC The show faltered a bit in Season 5, but we've had seven great years with this one. Well, six-and-a-half, anyway. TGS is over, at any rate. Farewell, MILF Island, Honky Grandma Be Trippin', Muffin Top, EGOT, Capt. Carol Burnett, Kabletown, Kidney Now! and Black Dennis. Blerg.
SERIES PREMIERE Do No Harm, 10 p.m., NBC A modern take on the Jekyll and Hyde legend, with a neurosurgeon who turns into a depraved sociopath at night. When he goes to work on Grey's Anatomy.
1600 Penn, 9:30 p.m., NBC Emily tries to help Xander run for student body president. As if she'd know anything about how political campaigns work.
Beyond Scared Straight, 10 p.m., A&E A football player who likes to steal learns his habits could ruin his career. Unless he plays for a big state school, where they almost expect that.
The 44th NAACP Image Awards, 8 p.m., NBC Django Unchained is squaring off with Beasts of the Southern Wild for four awards apiece. We all know the remake of Steel Magnolias will outdo them both.
Shark Tank, 9 p.m., ABC A couple wants to make a line of sandals for barefoot runners. That's like making jumpsuits for nudist colonies.
Spartacus: War of the Damned, 9 p.m., Starz The rebels start raiding outposts for food and shelter. Crassus will surely be okay with that.
Banshee, 10 p.m., Cinemax The most surprising thing about a botched museum robbery in Harrisburg isn't that something went wrong, but rather that Harrisburg has any museums.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org