On TV this week
The Cape, 9 p.m., NBC Mena Suvari guests in what is sure to be her highest-profile role since that terrible Day of the Dead remake with Ving Rhames. Yeah, we saw it. Whaddya expect? We write TV plot summaries for a living.
Heavy, 10 p.m., A&E This is our latest guilty pleasure at tbt*. Most notable: Trainer David Richardson, who is so ripped his wardrobe must come from Nike's new Incredible Hulk collection.
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC Castle thinks an astrophysicist who died of explosive decompression in her car must have been abducted by aliens. That's why he calls Lance Henriksen, natch.
V, 9 p.m., ABC The thing we're not really understanding these days is why our New York quartet wants to stop the Fifth Column radicals from killing Visitors and Peace Ambassadors. Back in the '80s, that was all Marc Singer and Faye Grant wanted to do.
Seriously Funny Kids, 9 p.m., Lifetime Heidi Klum turns into a much more attractive Art Linkletter and asks little kids to weigh in on a variety of subjects. Bill Cosby must not have been available.
MINISERIES PREMIERE Cherry Goes Drinking, 10 p.m., BBC America As part of a four-parter examining how women mature from young single women to responsible mothers, this show explores how booze affects behavior. Well, how do you think they end up being mothers, anyway?
American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox More auditions, which never seem to end. Haven't we run out of people desperate for fame yet?
Off the Map, 10 p.m., ABC Signs your new show is teetering on the edge of cancellation: Ed Begley Jr. is your big guest star.
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo Isaac Mizrahi shows up for the quickfire challenge to judge the most attractive plate presentation. That means everything's going to have strawberries and chocolate sauce on it. At least Marcel is gone, so the likelihood of foam is low.
SEASON PREMIERE Million Dollar Listing, 9 p.m., Bravo Thankfully, Chad is gone, so let's all meet Josh Altman, who is from Boston. That Masshole attitude will fit right in out in SoCal, won't it?
Parks and Recreation, 9:30 p.m., NBC Will Forte stars as a guy helping Leslie choose items for a time capsule. First thing: DVDs of when Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update was good.
SEASON FINALE Brad Meltzer's Decoded, 10 p.m., History This episode, titled "Apocalypse in Georgia,'' is not actually about the state's predilection of frying everything from chicken to Twinkies, but rather about the Georgia Guidestones, which were allegedly set up by a secretive religious group. No, not the Kentucky Colonels.
SEASON PREMIERE Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC Vanessa Williams goes to D.C. and South Carolina to trace her roots. Why someone decided she was still hot enough to be on Desperate Housewives, however, remains a mystery.
Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox Gordon Ramsay goes to Queens to fix P.J.'S Steakhouse, an eatery designed to honor the memory of the owner's late brother. Hey, P.J. was a slob who couldn't cook or balance the books — just respect that fact.
Supernatural, 9 p.m., CW Sam and Dean head to a small town they were led to by coordinates in a mysterious text message. They also end up getting credit protection, run up lots of debt on a sex hotline and refinance their mortgage, because they listen to spam so intently.
— Joshua Gillin [email protected]