On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Market Warriors, 9 p.m., PBS Four antiques experts run roughshod over a flea market to see who finds a better deal. For those not excited enough by Antiques Roadshow, but who still want to watch PBS programming.
SERIES FINALE Eureka, 9 p.m., SyFy The Department of Defense pulls funding for Eureka, but then wormholes start appearing all over town. They should note that in the budget report.
Bizarre Foods America, 9 p.m., Travel Andrew visits San Diego for strange fare, although out there, the most bizarre thing you'd find is a hamburger actually made of meat.
Miss Advised, 10 p.m., Bravo Julia wants her date to run by the book, with the guy doing everything on her terms. Yeah, good luck setting that precedent.
It's Me or the Dog, 8 p.m., Animal Planet We have to say, if your relationship has fractured enough that you're on a TV show to decide between a canine and your supposed mate, something tells us it's not going to work no matter what.
MINISERIES FINALE Michael Wood's Story of England, 8 p.m., PBS We follow Kibworth up until its bombing in World War II. After that it must have magically rebuilt itself.
SEASON FINALE Pregnant in Heels, 10 p.m., Bravo Rosie's husband and her assistant ask her why she hasn't prepared for having her own baby. Oh, right, that.
Franklin & Bash, 10 p.m., TNT Two sailors are accused of assaulting some crewmates. We saw A Few Good Men already, so substituting Navy for the Marines isn't going to fool us.
Dallas, 9 p.m., TNT They've killed a character off already? You'd think they'd wait until at least midseason for that.
Royal Pains, 9 p.m., USA The source we use to summarize these capsules (you don't think we actually watch all of these shows, do you?) was so vague about this episode, we can't even decipher what it's about. So, hey, this is on tonight.
SEASON FINALE Around the World in 80 Plates, 10 p.m., Bravo Wolfgang Puck is the expert for the final challenge of the season. The challenge must be selling out your name so completely it's difficult to take you seriously anymore, despite your talent.
SERIES PREMIERE Mama Drama, 11 p.m., VH1 We stopped paying attention beyond the part where they said, "from the creators of Jersey Shore." It's heartbreaking that bad parenting is now an entire subgenre of TV.
SEASON PREMIERE Project Runway, 9 p.m., Lifetime Heidi Klum celebrates the 10th season by getting a divorce, and all the other panel members try extra hard not to mention it. Although Tim Gunn will probably say something anyway, because he rocks.
SEASON PREMIERE Four Weddings, 9 p.m., TLC One bride invites an Elvis impersonator, automatically making her the worst of the quartet. The episode lasts for five minutes.
Anger Management, 9:30 p.m., FX Somebody needed to play Charlie Sheen's ex-wife, so they got Denise Richards. Wait until they need people to play his second ex-wife, whom he threatened at knifepoint on Christmas. Hilarity!
SERIES PREMIERE Sullivan & Son, 10 p.m., TBS A lawyer in New York decides to move back to Pittsburgh and take over his parents' neighborhood bar rather than see them close it and retire. That's right, mom and dad, you have to work forever.
Ghost Adventures, 9 p.m., Travel A World War II fort that was the site of a massacre hundreds of years ago might be haunted. Good thing a seance will prove whether that's true or not.
Chasing UFOs, 10 p.m., NatGeo People in Arizona are reporting strange lights in the sky and think they're UFOs and not just sky divers with flares, as the military contends. People in Arizona questioning the government? No!
Common Law, 10 p.m., USA A crime novelist may have helped a criminal escape from prison. So that's where she gets all those ideas.
SEASON FINALE Louisiana Lockdown, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Forget the rodeo; one of the inmates is getting released. If he can survive the bull for eight seconds, that is.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org