On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Good Afternoon America, 2 p.m., ABC Josh Elliot and Lara Spencer get nine weeks to prove they deserve anchor jobs on one of ABC's other news programs during the temporary run of this replacement for The Revolution. The what? Exactly.
2012 Home Run Derby, 8 p.m., ESPN Remember back in the steroid era when every game was a home run derby? Now we have to settle for a competition so dull, Robinson Cano won it last year.
SEASON PREMIERE Bizarre Foods America, 9 p.m., Travel Andrew Zimmern celebrates 100 episodes of eating pig uteruses and elk penises. This show is like a one-man Fear Factor.
SERIES PREMIERE Opening Act, 10 p.m., E! Nigel Lythgoe produces a show that allows contestants to open for performers like Rod Stewart, Jason Mraz, Nicki Minaj and Brad Paisley with a boot camp for image and presentation. How can they even find people who still sing in this country? Haven't we used them all up?
SERIES PREMIERE Perception, 10 p.m., TNT A schizophrenic neuroscientist is hired by the FBI to work on cases. So he's Scully and Mulder all in one!
2012 MLB All-Star Game, 7:30 p.m., Fox If this unfairly weighted all-star competition can be played at Kauffman Stadium in K.C., it's only a matter of time before the Trop gets the nod, right? RIGHT?!?
SERIES PREMIERE Trust Us With Your Life, 9 p.m., ABC Celebrities share anecdotes about their lives that are then acted out by an improv troupe. The drug stories will no doubt be the best episodes.
Frontline, 9 p.m., PBS "Endgame: AIDS in Black America" explores the hows and whys of the vastly disproportionate number of African-Americans infected with HIV in this country.
SEASON PREMIERE Destination Truth, 9 p.m., SyFy The team searches for Bigfoot in a cave in Vietnam. You'd think he'd stick out in a country where the average male is 5 feet 4.
SEASON FINALE White Collar, 9 p.m., USA Will Peter and Neal ever work together again? If Tiffani Thiessen has a job, we'd say chances are good.
MINISERIES PREMIERE NY Med, 10 p.m., ABC An eight-episode documentary series follows staff at Columbia and Weill Cornell hospitals. You mean they don't all sleep with each other, drink too much and become completely self-absorbed? Grey's Anatomy lied to us!
SEASON PREMIERE Covert Affairs, 10 p.m., USA Annie goes looking for Auggie, who is getting ready to head to Eritrea to follow his new girlfriend. Nah, no tension there. None at all.
SERIES PREMIERE Beverly Hills Nannies, 9 p.m., ABC Family Ever wonder who runs the house when the real housewives are out drinking and fighting. This. Now! With 100 percent more Cindy Margolis!
2012 ESPYs, 9 p.m., ESPN Twenty years of the ESPYs, the pretentious, self-important awards show for manly men who don't like pretentious, self-important awards shows.
SEASON PREMIERE Restaurant: Impossible, 10 p.m., Food A woman's husband gives her a cheap steakhouse as a wedding gift. Gee, thanks, hubby. You doing the dishes?
SERIES PREMIERE The Franchise: A Season With the Miami Marlins, 10 p.m., Showtime See, St. Petersburg (or possibly Tampa)? If you let a team change its name, uniforms, manager and entire roster, then swindle taxpayers out of millions to build them an overwrought stadium with a horrific centerfield feature no one comprehends, they get their own reality show. Let's go, Rays!
SEASON PREMIERE Big Brother, 9 p.m., CBS Get ready to watch these idjits three times a week until you get sick of them or the zombie apocalypse passes them by, whichever comes first.
SERIES PREMIERE Top Spot, 10 p.m., Travel Packs of travelers visit potential vacation spots and get to choose one based on their preferences and budget. Wait, they don't get to go for free? What kind of lame game show is this?
Polyamory: Married & Dating, 11 p.m., Showtime A documentary about people who share relationships with more than one person. Like April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation, before she married Andy.
SEASON FINALE The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO Karl spends the bulk of the episode talking about the most memorable part of his year, which was apparently watching a bug eat part of his biscuit. Yeah, having a TV show is no great shakes these days.
John Leguizamo's Tales From a Ghetto Klown, 9 p.m., PBS The actor talks about his career, focusing on his movies and one-man shows. No doubt he will spend an inordinate amount of time talking about his turn in 1997's The Pest.
Chasing UFOs, 10 p.m., NatGeo The team investigates an alleged crash site in Roswell, N.M. No, a different one.
Common Law, 10 p.m., USA A K-9 cop is shot by a gang, so Wes and Travis have to look into it. And take the mutt along for the ride, natch.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org