On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family Amy and Ricky are on their way to elope. Or not. The not knowing is what makes it exciting.
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History The boys search through a 500,000-square-foot warehouse for stuff. That should take about an hour, right?
SERIES FINALE Untamed Americas, 9 p.m., NatGeo A look at our nation's wondrous shorelines, from Japanese tsunami wreckage to tar balls to acid-rain runoff. What a beautiful nation!
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., SyFy Bo and Dyson investigate the disappearance of a body from its grave. No word on how they could tell, what with the body under the ground and all.
SERIES PREMIERE Barter Kings, 9 p.m., A&E For people who like Auction Kings and Storage Wars, but wish they were somehow magically combined into a cashless transaction.
SERIES PREMIERE Thorne, 9 p.m., Encore Finally, a mystery series that doesn't star Tom Selleck. David Morrissey hunts down a killer who gives his victim "locked-in syndrome," in which they end up trapped in their own bodies. Ever see the buffet line at Golden Corral?
SERIES PREMIERE World's Worst Tenants, 10 p.m., Spike In yet another sign of desperate times, a camera crew follows around a team of "eviction specialists," whose job it is to throw deadbeats out of their homes. Or you can just put a lawn chair on the front porch and watch your neighbors.
Franklin & Bash, 10 p.m., TNT Sean Astin stars as a vigilante accused of killing someone he was chasing. That's one way to make them slow down.
Thorne, 9 p.m., Encore David Morrissey tries to find two serial killers working together, but killing separately. How do they work together, again? At least Sandra Oh drops in.
SERIES PREMIERE Dallas, 9 p.m., TNT Larry Hagman, Patrick Duffy and Linda Gray return to Southfork in the latest TV reboot that's way past its prime. Oh, there are younger folks, too.
Restaurant: Impossible, 10 p.m., Food Orders to renovate an eatery for kids after school lets out could make things tough on Robert Irvine. When Michelle Obama says jump, you'd better jump.
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo Eight people backpacking through Colombia are captured by guerillas and end up splitting into two groups — one that cooperates and one that resists — in what would make the strangest reality show ever.
SEASON FINALE Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, 9 p.m., Bravo Kim fights helicopters circling over her wedding. Maybe she shouldn't have hired them, then.
41, 9 p.m., HBO George H.W. Bush tells us all about his time in World War II, growing up and what it's like to be a one-term president.
Cajun Justice, 10 p.m., A&E Somebody is robbing crypts out in the bayou. We put the odds at more than five voodoo jokes at even money.
SEASON PREMIERE Suits, 10 p.m., USA Wait, Mike Ross isn't legally an associate? When did that happen?
Megastunts — Highwire Over Niagara Falls — Live!, 9 p.m., ABC Watch Nik Wallenda walk over Horseshoe Falls on a tightrope 173 feet over the water. Because 174 feet, well, that's just plain crazy.
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet A 30-foot wave threatens to tear apart the Brigitte Bardot, whose crew really should have watched The Perfect Storm before heading out to sea.
The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO Karl explains why he won't recycle, and explains his travels in terms of toilets he's used, proving once and for all he is the most charming person in all of England.
SEASON FINALE Fairly Legal, 9 p.m., USA Kate has to choose between Justin and Ben so the season can end. And so things can be wrapped up in case it's not renewed.
— Joshua Gillin [email protected]