On TV this week
Geo Bee 2011. 6:30 p.m., NatGeo Time to see the real-life version of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, in which kids from fourth to eighth grades compete in a trivia contest called the National Geographic Bee. Your role in all this is to watch and feel very, very dumb.
A Matter of Taste: Serving Up Paul Liebrandt, 9 p.m., HBO Long before Grant Achatz got credit for his molecular gastronomy, Liebrandt was doing all sorts of scientific things with his cooking. See what he was up to in this doc.
Off Limits, 9 p.m., Travel Remember when all those Cold War missiles were stored in silos 150 feet underground? Check out this one in Arizona.
SEASON PREMIERE Pretty Little Liars, 8 p.m., ABC Family Aria, Emily, Hanna and Spencer need to get some help. Surely, someone in Rosewood will lend a hand.
SEASON PREMIERE Cupcake Wars, 8 p.m., Food The contestants are going to celebrate the Kentucky Derby by making cupcakes inspired by Southern cocktails. Great, there will be four different mint-julep cupcakes.
SERIES PREMIERE The Nine Lives of Chloe King, 9 p.m., ABC Family A teenager has feline powers. We know teens can get catty, but this is ridiculous.
SEASON PREMIERE Memphis Beat, 9 p.m., TNT Stop me if you've heard this one before: The protagonists are a streetwise loose cannon police officer and the young beat cop who idolizes him. Pretty original, huh?
SEASON PREMIERE Gene Simmons Family Jewels, 10 p.m., A&E Shannon Tweed considers leaving Gene in the first episode. Kinda jumping the gun after 27 years together.
SEASON PREMIERE After the Catch, 10 p.m., Discovery The Deadliest Catch guys hang out in Hawaii with Mike Rowe. Because it gets cold up in the Arctic.
SEASON PREMIERE HawthoRNe, 10 p.m., TNT Marc Anthony is back full-time trying to arrest Jada Pinkett Smith. There's only room for one freaky diva in Mark's life, after all.
So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m., Fox Finally, the auditions are over. Now we can get down to really embarrassing people.
101 Gadgets That Changed the World, 9 p.m., History Celebrating inventions as varied as the Swiss army knife, the transistor radio and condoms. That sounds like a very tricky night out.
SEASON FINALE Top Chef Masters, 10 p.m., Bravo The masters must make their own four-course meal. Make it challenging, would you? Force them to do it on a moving flatbed truck or something.
SEASON PREMIERE Toddlers & Tiaras, 10 p.m., TLC Get ready for a fourth season of insane parents raising another generation of neurotics, drug abusers and child molesters.
SERIES PREMIERE Happily Divorced, 10:30 p.m., TV Land Fran Drescher stars in a semi-autobiographical show about a woman whose husband comes out of the closet, but since they can't afford to move out, they agree to stay in the same house until it sells. In this economy, that may take seven or eight seasons.
SERIES PREMIERE Rocco's Dinner Party, 11 p.m., Bravo Top chefs must cook themed meals for Rocco DiSpirito to win a competition. The cooking shows are wearing kinda thin, guys.
2011 U.S. Open Golf Championship, 10 a.m., ESPN The Open is sans Tiger Woods this go around, so we have no idea who's going to be there. Hey, we don't watch golf. Sue us.
The First 48: Missing Persons, 10 p.m., A&E Two detectives look for a missing teen with a rare sleep disorder. You stop to think he may just be in bed?
The Real Housewives of New York City, 10 p.m., Bravo The women leave Morocco, sparking Arab Spring-style rejoicing in the streets. Well, maybe not, but that's what we would do.
Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, 9 p.m., ABC Jamie Lee Curtis gives Jamie an award for trying to make fat kids skinny. Because the L.A. school system sure ain't gonna give him one.
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet A year after the Ady Gil, it's looking like the title of this show may become quite literal as the Gojira shoots at a harpoon ship. Scary.
Outrageous Food, 10 p.m., Food Tom Pizzica takes on a 7-pound bowl of soup at Pho 87 in Las Vegas. My 95-pound Vietnamese mother-in-law could finish that thing in 30 minutes flat.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org