On TV this week
Me at the Zoo, 9 p.m., HBO A documentary about the fleeting nature of Internet celebrity, starring Chris Crocker, the "Leave Britney Alone" guy, of whom no one has spoken about since 2008.
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo A bunch of the women meet up to talk about one of the other hags, except one, who meets up with another cougar in order to talk about the rest of those skanks. Ah, friendship!
American Ninja Warrior, 10 p.m., NBC We've watched and so far no gruesome dislocations of cringe-inducing compound fractures. The producers will really have to ramp up the difficulty next season.
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., SyFy The sister of the first person Bo ever killed shows up looking for revenge. As if Bo doesn't have anything better to do than kill off an entire family.
The Catalina, 8 p.m., CW We keep seeing this show being advertised as if we should know what it's about. We can't tell if it's a reality show or scripted or what, but man, it looks dull.
The Real Housewives of Orange County, 9 p.m., Bravo Alexis' husband crashes a party to fight with Heather's husband. Finally, we get to see the undercard of this never-ending reality show bout.
SERIES PREMIERE Craft Wars, 10 p.m., TLC Tori Spelling hosts a show that somehow militarizes people making quilts or whatever. Just because they're competing doesn't make it a war, TLC.
Franklin & Bash, 10 p.m., TNT Jared and his dad fight over a case involving Peter Weller as a musician. Frankly, the only thing they should be fighting over is whether RoboCop should be remade or not.
America's Got Talent, 9 p.m., NBC We lost all respect for this show when they kept calling St. Petersburg, "Tampa" during that last round of auditions. Don't they know both cities are very sensitive about that?
Dallas, 9 p.m., TNT After watching this show for a couple weeks, you should know by now whether you like it. That means you should be able to tell by now it's a pale imitation of the original, and you really should change the channel.
Royal Pains, 9 p.m., USA Any episode featuring Henry Winkler is worth watching. It's better than Dallas, at any rate.
Around the World in 80 Plates, 10 p.m., Bravo The contestants must work with Alvin Leung, a Hong Kong foodie known as the Demon Chef. We didn't know his food was that spicy.
2012 NBA Draft, 7:30 p.m., ESPN Glad basketball season is finally over? Too bad.
SERIES PREMIERE Twenty Twelve, 9 p.m., BBC America A mockumentary with Downton Abbey's Hugh Bonneville, who is playing a coordinator for the London Olympics and has to deal with all sorts of nonsense. It seems funny, but we wouldn't be surprised to learn everything was true.
SERIES PREMIERE Anger Management, 9 p.m., FX Charlie Sheen is back on TV by translating the Jack Nicholson role from the 2003 movie for basic cable. Denise Richards is playing his ex-wife, so this won't stretch his chops too much.
SEASON PREMIERE Wilfred, 10 p.m., FX This always felt like a Robin Williamsy show, you know? Oh, look, it's Robin Williams.
SEASON PREMIERE Louie, 10:30 p.m., FX Another season of self-loathing and wishing Louis C.K. would be on Parks and Recreation more.
SEASON FINALE Awkward., 10:30 p.m., MTV Another season of self-loathing and wishing you didn't have to choose between Jake and Matty.
SERIES PREMIERE Brand X With Russell Brand, 11 p.m., FX The first of six specials with Brand discussing current events with a studio audience. In case you wanted to know his take on the Greek bailout. Think of the Get Him to the Greek jokes!
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet The Brigitte Bardot's crew must abandon ship from all the damage, which they really should expect when they go blocking giant whaling vessels.
Say Yes to the Dress, 9:30 p.m., TLC There are two episodes tonight, including a woman shopping 90 days before her wedding and another shopping after she lost 50 pounds. So it's kind of a worst-case/best-case sort of evening.
Louisiana Lockdown, 10 p.m., Animal Planet An inmate serving a life sentence gets to meet his grandfather for the first time. Nice to see it runs in the family.
Common Law, 10 p.m., USA Dr. Ryan tells Wes and Travis to switch roles so they get to know each other better. They probably won't fight about that at all.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org