On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE Hooked, 10 p.m., NatGeo If you guys thought those shark fishermen were bad, check out this dude who goes hunting for things like pacu and vampire fish. At least he lets them go when he's done, though.
Dance Your A... Off!, 10 p.m., Oxygen Every time we think reality TV and game shows can't get much worse, we're proved wrong. This formula: a dance contest like Dancing With the Stars, combined with the big tubbies from The Biggest Loser. Next week there'll be a show where blind midgets eat cardboard to win jelly beans. And you'll still watch it!
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, 10 p.m, Bravo An appearance on Privileged and a shopping trip with Paris Hilton. We hope to be done puking in the bathroom by the time Snoop Dogg shows up.
NYC Prep, 9 p.m., Bravo Really, when did kids who have rich parents become so enamored with themselves that they feel they deserve a TV show? Reality TV is turning prime time into Hate Week for us.
Secrets of the Knights Templar, 9 p.m., NatGeo Guardians of the people liquidated by a weak head of state because he didn't want to share power with them? It's almost as if the Knights Templar were the 14th-century version of the FDA.
Hitched or Ditched, 9 p.m., CW If you've been dating for 10 years but still haven't gotten married out of misgivings over perceived problems with your interracial relationship, you should go ask the people you're worried about offending what they've been doing the last decade.
Outlaw Bikers, 9 p.m., NatGeo We just like that Mike Lynn is a Florida biker.
The Fashion Show, 10 p.m., Bravo The designers have to create loungewear to complement designer robes. Um, even burlap sacks will do, don't you think?
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo You think going to prison in Peru is a big deal? This is a country that uses guinea pigs as a staple protein, people!
Samantha Who?, 8 p.m., ABC Samantha tries to sabotage Todd's competition for a job at a local newspaper. We know this is TV — there are no jobs at local newspapers.
World's Toughest Fixes, 9 p.m., NatGeo A barge blown onto shore on the Mississippi River near new Orleans needs to be moved. Oh, just leave that there and soon enough the water level will be high enough to move it.
So You Think You Can Dance, 9 p.m., Fox Now we know why this show is so popular — finally, some new TV!
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, 8 p.m., Fox A bunch of new episodes that try to prove the education system isn't failing by pitting kids against adults that already failed it.
The Chopping Block, 8 p.m., NBC Marco Pierre White makes a signature dish using only ingredients found in bottles and jars. Big deal; we've been doing that since college.
The Goode Family, 8:30 p.m., ABC Helen finds out that Bliss' community service job is fake. Like anyone really picks up trash for a living.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org