On TV this week
GTTV Presents: E3 All Access Live, Noon, Spike Geeks wanting to know all about the latest video games and gadgets already will know all the stuff Spike is talking about, because they're plugged into the Internet 24/7. This live coverage is for the rest of us.
SEASON PREMIERE Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m., Fox It's twice the Gordon Ramsay this year, as Season 10 opens in a twice-a-week format. That way you can get more swearing on Monday, in case you don't get enough tonight.
SEASON PREMIERE MasterChef, 9 p.m., Fox Just kidding; You can get more Ramsay right here. It will be on twice a week too, though.
SEASON PREMIERE The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo Is this one about the shrill, drunken, no-talent hags or the one about the angry, self-humiliating cougars? Trick question: All the Real Housewives series are about that.
SEASON PREMIERE Pretty Little Liars, 8 p.m., ABC Family It's a new season, so it's time to forget about Maya dying and deal with finding out who "A" is. And making sure they die by the end of this season, because someone's always dying.
Concert for the Queen: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration With Katie Couric, 9 p.m., ABC Because Queen Elizabeth is all about Paul McCartney, Elton John, Jessie J, Annie Lennox, Tom Jones, Kylie Minogue, Stevie Wonder and will.i.am. Justin Bieber, we'd believe.
SEASON PREMIERE Rizzoli & Isles, 9 p.m., TNT Maura and Jane are mad because Paddy Doyle was shot. Well, we can understand being mad at someone who shot your biological father.
SEASON PREMIERE Franklin & Bash. 10 p.m., TNT Kevin Nealon stars as a beverage company executive that Jared and Peter are trying to land. Nealon should be happy someone wants him.
Glee the 3D Concert Movie, 7:15 p.m., HBO In case you couldn't see the tour in real 3D.
2012 CMT Music Awards, 8 p.m., CMT Who should win, Miranda Lambert or Pistol Annies? If you know the answer to that one, you've already set your DVR for this.
SERIES PREMIERE Adam Richman's Best Sandwich in America, 9 p.m., Travel Adam Richman shouts his way across America on another tour of monuments to gluttony. So he's allowed to eat professionally again? That life insurance must have come through.
SEASON PREMIERE Royal Pains, 9 p.m., USA Hank works on his medical practice instead of fighting with brother Evan. Just you wait until he needs a doctor.
SEASON PREMIERE Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA After our initial shock that Scott Bakula was nowhere to be seen on this show, we've now got to deal with Mehcad Brooks being shot by a crazed fan. At least he didn't shoot himself, right, Plaxico Burress?
SERIES PREMIERE Take Me Out, 8 p.m., Fox George Lopez lands on his feet after getting canned by TBS by hosting a dating series featuring 30 women and a bunch of single men looking for matches. What an original idea!
SERIES PREMIERE The Choice, 9 p.m., Fox So original, Fox has doubled up the dating shows, like this one featuring celebs looking for dates. Because they have no outsized advantages already. Nope, NFL playerss Rob Gronkowski and Ndamukong Suh, Jersey Shore stars DJ Pauly D and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, actors Dean Cain and Carmen Electra, and Playboy Playmate Hope Dworaczyk need all the help they can get.
SERIES PREMIERE Saving Hope, 9 p.m., NBC A hospital's chief of surgery ends up in a coma and wanders the halls in the spirit realm to see what really goes on there. Good thing he needs to exist on the ethereal plane to notice things.
SERIES PREMIERE Cajun Justice, 10 p.m., A&E Ever wonder who polices all the folks from Swamp People? Here you go.
2012 UEFA European Championship, 11:30 a.m., ESPN Don't care about soccer? Too bad, because we do. This monster tournament kicks off with Poland vs. Greece. Wait, Greece can afford to field a team?
Seal Wars, 7 p.m., Animal Planet The Whale Wars people also take on people who club baby seals to death. Because filming it and showing people powerless to do anything to Namibians is very effective.
21st Century Sex Slaves, 10 p.m., NatGeo A special-forces unit goes undercover to take down sex traffickers in Thailand. We had no idea that kind of thing was happening there.
Storytellers, 11 p.m., VH1 Puzzled by the change of pace on Norah Jones' new album? Check out this doc about her and understand where she's coming from.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org