On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE MasterChef, 8 p.m., Fox Gordon Ramsay intimidates another collection of amateur chefs, forcing them to rethink their lifelong dreams.
SERIES PREMIERE My Yard Goes Disney, 8 p.m., HGTV Remember that old series Monster House, where a collection of goofball contractors would redo your house with some ridiculous theme that would ruin the resale value? Imagine that, but with all the cross-marketing opportunism of Disney characters.
Last Man Standing, 8 p.m., Lifetime Army Wives' Catherine Bell goes all Mr. & Mrs. Smith as a retired black-ops agent who heads out to rescue her kidnapped husband. With Anthony Michael Hall and Mekhi Phifer on board, even hubby might like this Lifetime movie.
SEASON FINALE WWE Tough Enough, 8 p.m., USA See which of these wresting hopefuls gets to pursue years of rugged physical abuse before having an outsized statistical risk of dying prematurely from a heart-related illness or drug use.
SERIES PREMIERE House Hunters on Vacation, 8:30 p.m., HGTV Because no one is buying houses anymore, this new show focuses on showing people places they can simply rent for the week. Hey, a week is a long commitment.
SERIES PREMIERE Switched at Birth, 9 p.m., ABC Family Two teenage girls find out they were switched at the hospital. The real hook is that one of them is deaf, so the birth parents have to learn how to sign and hide their guilt-ridden, selfish sense of disappointment.
Bobby Fischer Against the World, 9 p.m., HBO Watch the chess player go from genius 15-year-old to angry anti-Semite in only two hours,
HGTV'd, 9 p.m., HGTV In case you forget the name of the network you're watching this on, the channel's designers descend on a home and tell the residents why their decorating sense is awful.
Deadliest Catch, 9 p.m., Discovery Sure, they could go out and hunt down opilio crab, but a winter storm has other ideas. That means it's time for a couple of people to quit.
Only in America With Larry the Cable Guy, 9 p.m., History Larry heads to Volusia County to train with the local sheriff's department. We get the idea he knows something about running meth and moonshine.
SEASON PREMIERE 19 Kids and Counting, 9 p.m., TLC We know that every show relies on a baby born at some point, but really, we can stop beating that horse now. It's long since dead.
SEASON PREMIERE White Collar, 9 p.m., USA One Tree Hill's Hilarie Burton becomes a regular cast member, but Tiffani Thiessen is still what we're going to focus on. What can we say? We watched a lot of Saved by the Bell.
Deadliest Catch Greenhorns Special, 10 p.m., Discovery And whoever quits will get replaced by a guy just like one of these newbies.
SEASON PREMIERE Covert Affairs, 10 p.m., USA Annie helps protect a Russian tennis player. Is it Anna Kournikova, coming to the U.S. to run The Biggest Loser?
CMT Music Awards 2011, 8 p.m., CMT This awards show celebrates 10 years by having Jason Aldean, Lady Antebellum, Keith Urban, Surgaland and Rascall Flats perform.
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery The gang figures out what to do when you get a flat tire and have no access to help (that's what Fix-A-Flat is for) and whether or not a marlin can set a fishing line on fire. Well, it can if it has a lighter.
Top Chef Masters, 10 p.m., Bravo The chefs must teach proteges to recreate their meals and then they all cook for service members returning home from war. You're a week late with this show, guys.
Deception With Keith Barry, 10 p.m., Discovery Keith posits what police work would be like if cops could read minds. Didn't you see Minority Report?
Known Universe, 9 p.m., NatGeo A look at how NASA creates tools that are used in zero gravity. That's why hammers cost the government $600, we're guessing.
The Real Housewives of New York City, 10 p.m., Bravo Some old cougar is mad at another old cougar, then the other old cougars talk about it. Aren't y'all s'posed to be married?
Love Bites, 10 p.m., NBC Michelle Trachtenberg scares away a guy by baking for him. If that's all it takes when it's Michelle Trachtenberg we're talking about, he obviously has serious emotional problems.
Snapped, 10 p.m., Oxygen Cops nab a Colorado woman who shot her neighbor after an argument in 1999. It must have been whether the Quebec Nordiques should have moved to Denver or not.
Guys Choice, 9 p.m., SpikeTV The viewers choice awards show featuring categories in sports, rock 'n' roll, action movies and hot chicks. This is Spike, so they call 'em chicks, you know.
Ghost Adventures, 9 p.m., Travel The crew heads to Loretta Lynn's Tennessee plantation to investigate ghosts from the Civil War. Those are just re-enactors, Loretta.
The Whale That Ate Jaws, 10 p.m., NatGeo Apparently a killer whale that killed a great white shark and ate only its liver was a real thing, and not a bad SyFy movie. Cool.
SEASON FINALE Camelot, 10 p.m., Starz Morgan leads Sybil to Camelot while Arthur is off fighting bad guys in the mountains. Shoulda got Broadview, y'all.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org