On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE The Closer, 9 p.m., TNT Now we've got a quadruple murder. These shows are trying to hard to top themselves every season.
SEASON PREMIERE Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, 10 p.m., Bravo Really, after gigs hosting awards shows and getting a fifth season of this show, is she still on the D-List?
SEASON PREMIERE Raising the Bar, 10 p.m., TNT More lawyering, with Zack from Saved By the Bell.
SEASON PREMIERE Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime First rule of taking someone hostage: Make sure someone likes them enough to pay the ransom. Got that, Celia?
SERIES PREMIERE Nurse Jackie, 10:30 p.m., Showtime Edie Falco plays a painkiller-addicted nurse who will lie and break the rules to get her patients the care they need. We love a good fantasy.
Mental, 9 p.m., Fox Awwwww ... David Carradine is a guest star stuck in a catatonic state. Too soon, man, too soon.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo We've been to Jersey, and Atlantic City, in particular, and memories of both make us not so high on checking out this show, in which the Jersey girls go to AC.
Explorer, 10 p.m., NatGeo Yes, we've all heard about how the people on Easter Island are a cautionary tale for exhausting natural resources, but did you know that before they all went looney tunes, they withdrew to all these caverns underneath the island? They must have thought the zombies were coming.
Tattoo Highway, 10 p.m., A&E Trading car parts for tattoo work: It's like the American Dream boiled down to an hour of TV!
SEASON PREMIERE Top Chef Masters, 10 p.m., Bravo Real chefs who own real restaurants get real dirty by engaging in a fight to the culinary death in a new version of the hit show. No Padma, though.
SEASON PREMIERE She's Got the Look, 9 p.m., TV Land A bunch of people over 35 fight to prove that the fashion industry isn't entirely dependent on young people. C'mon guys, the show's on TV Land; it's not like they're catering to the teen crowd.
The Fashion Show, 10 p.m., Bravo In keeping with our theme of designing for people much younger than they are, contestants try to ape the looks of different high-school cliques. Do girls still tight-roll their jeans and wear their hair with oversprayed bangs?
SERIES PREMIERE 16 and Pregnant, 10 p.m., MTV Consider a scared-straight program for all the would-be Bristol Palins out there — and a recurring nightmare for the parents of teenage girls.
Wife Swap, 8 p.m., ABC A California mom sends her kids to theme parks instead of school because she thinks it's a better educational experience. Back in our day, they called those field trips.
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet Whew; For a second there, we got this show's title confused with most episodes of Wife Swap.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org