On TV this week
The Bachelor, 8 p.m., ABC We can only hope that this time Brad Womack picks someone. Unfortunately for you, Crazy Cat Lady watching this show, it won't be you. No amount of ice cream will change that.
SERIES PREMIERE Wedding Wars, 9 p.m., VH1 Yeah, another show where desperate couples compete to win their dream wedding. This is the result of years of being told by other shows they need to have $50,000 weddings for their marriages to mean anything. How's that working out?
Bethenny Ever After, 10 p.m., Bravo Selling so much of that Skinnygirl Margarita swill that liquor stores can't keep it stocked is not a real problem, Bethenny. Everyone getting botulism from your mix, that's a real problem.
SEASON FINALE V, 9 p.m., ABC With only a few episodes this season and a special-effects department that consists of a laptop and MS paint, it's no surprise chances are good this series is gonna get canceled. Will the show survive? Well, they're resorting to having Marc Singer show up, so you tell us.
The Comedy Central Roast, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central Donald Trump gets zinged by a lineup of second-tier comedians in yet another filthy jokefest. College kids across America will be making a drinking game out of how many hair jabs they get in.
SERIES PREMIERE Four of a Kind, 11 p.m., Lifetime A show following the lives of four quadruplet 17-year-old girls would almost sound dirty, but this is Lifetime, not E!. First up: The girls feel bad about pestering their mother, so they clean the house. So much lost potential ...
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC Mary Lynn Rajskub, who played Chloe on 24, shows up to harass members of the clan. Mostly by constantly calling them on their cellphones and demanding status updates, while they yell about needing schematics and roadmaps.
SEASON FINALE Face Off, 10 p.m., SyFy Which one of the brilliant makeup artists who do things we could never hope to learn will win, and which one of the brilliant makeup artists who do things we could never hope to learn will lose?
SERIES PREMIERE Deathwish Movers, 10 p.m., Travel It's a series about a Boston moving company that moves things no one else dares to, like 1-ton ice sculptures. We try to avoid helping people move whenever we can, so it's weird they expect us to want to watch other people do it.
SEASON PREMIERE Destination Truth, 7 p.m., SyFy In the spirit of St. Patrick's Day (so to speak), the crew heads to County Carlow to see if a castle there is haunted by a banshee. You guys had better hope you don't hear the thing coming, or it's curtains.
Kathy Griffin: 50 & Not Pregnant, 9 p.m., Bravo Jokes about Lindsay Lohan and Justin Bieber? Wow, Kathy doesn't care who she offends!
SEASON PREMIERE Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force, 10 p.m., A&E The marshals head out to get a guy wanted for second-degree rape. If he tripped and fell and bashed his head into the concrete 10 or 20 times, that'd be okay. Accidents do happen.
SERIES PREMIERE Bear Woman, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Ann Bryant and a team of volunteers attempt to protect the black bears of Lake Tahoe. Just don't let Werner Herzog make a documentary about you, Ann.
SERIES FINALE Supernanny, 8 p.m., ABC Jo spends her last episode helping a dad with three boys whose mom died of cancer. All he has to do is make a closet for a rich amnesiac and he's fine. What? Are we the only ones who saw Overboard? After that, Jo will work on getting married and one day actually having children of her own.
Who Do You Think You Are?, 8 p.m., NBC Who would have guessed someone named Rosie O'Donnell was from Ireland? And her Irish ancestors overcame lots of hardships? We've never heard that story!
Confessions: Animal Hoarding, 10 p.m., Animal Planet A woman has 37 cats. And a husband who is allergic to cats. And he lives in the basement. We see where you rank, pal.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org