On TV this week
SEASON FINALE Gossip Girl, 8 p.m., CW Is it over for the season, or forever? We'll just have to wait and see what happens to Blair and the gang, but rumor is they're toast.
SEASON FINALE 24, 8 p.m., Fox Are we the only ones who think that Jack, dying of mad cow, would just off himself if he were being used as leverage to spring Tony yet again? Now he's the liability, and Jack Bauer deals with liabilities.
SEASON FINALE How I Met Your Mother, 8:30 p.m., CBS Ted is about to turn 31. Ah, lower alcohol tolerance, lower-back pain and a desire to go to bed before 11 p.m. Welcome to adulthood!
SEASON FINALE Two and a Half Men, 9 p.m., CBS Judith is in labor and Charlie labors over his engagement to Chelsea. See what we did there?
SEASON FINALE One Tree Hill, 9 p.m., CW We have no idea what's going on, because we've been watching 24 all season. But someone's probably going to die.
SEASON PREMIERE The Bachelorette, 9 p.m., ABC Jillian Harris, who wasn't good enough for Bachelor Jason Mesnick, gets her own show for some reason. Why does the loser get her own show?
SEASON FINALE CSI: Miami, 10 p.m., CBS Horatio grunts and puts on sunglasses a lot.
SERIES PREMIERE 4th and Long, 10 p.m., Spike Former Dallas WR Michael Irvin beats the tar out of six other receivers and six DBs who are fighting for a spot in camp with the Cowboys. Watch out for those falling tents.
SEASON FINALE The Mentalist, 9 p.m., CBS The serial killer who murdered Patrick's wife and daughter may be coming to finish the job. Fine, as long as he can do it in 43 minutes.
SEASON FINALE 90210, 9 p.m., CW After-party at Naomi's house after the prom! All the 30-year-old actors you can stand!
SERIES PREMIERE Glee, 9 p.m., Fox Nip/Tuck's producer makes a sitcom about how a school's glee club is a magnet for outcasts. Um, that's no sitcom.
SEASON FINALE Without a Trace, 10 p.m., CBS Martin Landau's still alive? Talk about "without a trace."
SEASON FINALE The New Adventures of Old Christine, 8 p.m., CBS Christine lives it up with Scott Bakula, who leaps in for a guest shot as New Christine's dad.
SEASON FINALE American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox Who will be the next Taylor Hicks? You decide.
SEASON FINALE Gary Unmarried, 8:30 p.m., CBS Hey, Gary, you divorced Allison for a reason. Quit hooking up, already.
SEASON FINALE Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS A serial killer in Detroit is offing junkies, hookers and bums. To be fair, that would be mostly any citizen of Detroit these days.
SEASON PREMIERE So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m., Fox You guys really wanted a fifth season of this freak show? The title of America's favorite dancer is cherished indeed.
Ugly Betty, 8 p.m., ABC Wow, America Ferrera and the cast of The View. We're on estrogen overload here.
SEASON FINALE Southland, 10 p.m., NBC Cops find a dead gang member in the trunk of a car outside Dodger Stadium. He must have been Manny Ramirez's dealer.
Wife Swap, 8 p.m., ABC One family makes their 11-year-old sit in a booster seat. You know him — he's the one who is always getting beat up at school.
Outbreak, 8 p.m., AMC A deadly infectious disease is spread by an animal to humans and wreaks havoc on a small town. Doesn't sound as far-fetched as it did back in 1995, huh?
Party Down, 10:30 p.m., Starz Again, no idea what it's about, but it's one of the few first-run shows on after this week, so enjoy.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com