On TV this week
SEASON FINALE Relapse, 9 p.m., A&E A former pro ice skater has to bounce back from an overdose in a week while the son of a Hollywood director needs to open up to his dad before entering treatment. What's with all the faux urgency on this show?
SEASON PREMIERE Taboo, 9 p.m., NatGeo The first episode tonight is about people obsessed with beauty, but more importantly, the 10 p.m. episode deals with a guy from Tampa who runs an online sex shop in Second Life. It figures it would be a guy from Tampa. He's just sharing what he knows, people!
SEASON FINALE Paranormal State, 10:30 p.m., A&E A demonic presence takes interest in one of the team members. At least someone is.
NCIS, 8 p.m., CBS Tony must be pretty down about the death of his partner to fondly remember his days as a Baltimore detective. There's hardly anything we fondly remember about that place.
SEASON PREMIERE Chopped, 10 p.m., Food If you can't turn turkey legs, beef and chocolate icing into a three-course meal worth $10,000, then you really don't deserve to be on this show, anyway.
SERIES PREMIERE How the States Got Their Shapes, 10 p.m., History Apparently enough people found the details behind why Missouri has a boot heel and how we decided on the 49th parallel for our northern border interesting enough to order up a whole series. Yay, geography!
SEASON FINALE Justified, 10 p.m., FX We finally found out what happened after Raylan Givens told that guy from the preseason promos that Han shot first. We think the U.S. Marshal may end up shooting first.
SERIES PREMIERE Spouse vs. House, 10 p.m., TLC Couples get $25,000 to renovate three rooms in their house. One spouse works out a plan with a design expert, while the other goes to work on their own. That sounds like a real waste of money.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 10 p.m., NBC Benson and Stabler find a baby abandoned on a playground, but contrary to popular belief, it's not the one Mariska Hargitay and her husband just adopted.
Grey's Anatomy, 9 p.m., ABC You really can't set up every season finale to be a wedding, Shonda Rhimes, even if it's a lesbian wedding. That's just cheating.
SEASON FINALE 30 Rock, 10 p.m., NBC It's funny that Jack is lonely without his wife; we haven't seen her for weeks at a stretch. Too bad everyone's saying next year will be this show's last.
SERIES PREMIERE Pawn Queens. 10 p.m., TLC Oh, look, it's another gorram pawn shop show. How freakin' original. But wait, this one is with women! OOOOOOOHHH!
SERIES PREMIERE A.N.T. Farm, 8:40 p.m., Disney Gifted middle-school students attend a high school, just so they can develop teen angst a little bit faster than normal. They're no Doogie Howsers, that's for sure.
Killer Outbreaks, 9 p.m., Animal Planet The CDC wonders if smallpox has returned to the Midwest, and there's a deadly disease at a Dallas hospital. This sounds an awful lot like the plot of the first X-Files movie.
Frost/Nixon, 10 p.m., Bravo You can watch Ron Howard's excellent adaptation about David Frost interviewing the former president. Or you can watch The Devil's Advocate for the umpteenth time over on Oxygen, where they will censor out all the good stuff. You decide.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org