On TV this week
SEASON FINALE Rules of Engagement, 8:30 p.m., CBS People are getting married, babies are being born and an estranged couple may be getting back together. Every TV trope known to man is in this episode.
SERIES PREMIERE The Goodwin Games, 8:30 p.m., Fox Three siblings who don't talk to each other begrudgingly reunite to score their late father's $20 million inheritance. Because nothing brings family together like unvarnished avarice.
SEASON FINALE Mike & Molly, 9:30 p.m., CBS Mike and Carl are sent to work at the Renaissance Faire, which is in trouble after a tornado threatens to strike. We all know there were no storm shelters in medieval times.
SEASON FINALE Bates Motel, 10 p.m., A&E Norman is taking Emma to the dance, which is sure to reveal some of his hangups. He's not exactly date-worthy material.
SEASON FINALE Hawaii Five-0, 10 p.m., CBS A terrorist is on the loose on Oahu, so the team's got to find him. At least now we know where terrorists take vacations.
SERIES FINALE The Big C: Hereafter, 10 p.m., Showtime Will Laura Linney live or die as the series comes to a close? Seems a lot of viewers forgot what the word "terminal" means.
SERIES PREMIERE Motive, 10 p.m., ABC Yet another crime drama involving a weekly murder. It's set up like Law & Order: Criminal Intent, but without the instantly recognizable theme music.
The Bachelor, 8 p.m., ABC In case you forgot there are people desperate enough for fame and companionship they would speed-date for keeps, here's a blooper special. As if the show wasn't enough of a mistake.
SEASON FINALE Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m., ABC There's going to be a crowded stage for this finale. Everyone better watch out for Wynonna Judd's return, though. Don't worry, she's just singing.
Man-Eating Super Squid, 9 p.m., Animal Planet In case you weren't afraid of the ocean enough, this special examines the Humboldt squid. That'd be giant squid to you. And it'll eat most anything. Like your feet, if you dip them in the water.
Grimm, 10 p.m., NBC Nick has to go investigate a series of assaults, just as things with Juliette start to get better. Well, bring her along, Nick! She'll love it!
SEASON FINALE The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC Frankie can't get Axl to say what he wants to do for his graduation party? It's almost like he doesn't want her to know!
SEASON PREMIERE MasterChef, 8 p.m., Fox Gordon takes his frustrations out on another batch of amateur chefs. For the first challenge, all of them have to comment on the Amy's Baking Co. Facebook page.
SEASON FINALE Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC The gang heads to Florida after Phil's mom dies, but unfinished business, an unusual request and an arrest warrant get involved. This is the Sunshine State we're talking about, after all.
SEASON FINALE Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS A killer wants to take out a member of the team and Hotchner finds out his brother is in the middle of some Ecstasy-related deaths. Or as this show calls it, Wednesday.
SEASON FINALE Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 9 p.m., NBC A man whom Rollins arrests for exposing himself in Central Park isn't who he says he is. The suspicion came to her in a flash.
SEASON FINALE Nashville, 10 p.m., ABC Brad Paisley drops by to sing with Rayna and Deacon. He was a real fan of Friday Night Lights.
SERIES PREMIERE Showville, 9 p.m., AMC Producers go to a small town to put together a talent show for the locals, using local performers. Why, because those yokels don't have the movin'-pitcher boxes, Hollywood?!?
SERIES PREMIERE Does Someone Have to Go?, 9 p.m., Fox Inmates get to run the asylum when employees are allowed to run their company for 48 hours and get access to private information about their coworkers like salaries and employment history. That sounds suspiciously like invasion of privacy to us, but we're not in charge of anything here.
Men at Work, 10 p.m., TBS Gibbs and Milo recognize Tyler's new girlfriend. No, like, they recognize her. Yeah.
Top 20 Funniest, 10 p.m., TruTV A clip show of supposedly funny homemade videos. Now we know TruTV is a network designed for people without Internet access.
SERIES PREMIERE Invasion, 7 p.m., Animal Planet Hunters go searching for invasive species, so of course the first episode is set in Florida. Suspects include the Burmese python, the Nile monitor lizard and those snails that ruin everything. They should add tarantulas to that mix.
Mystery Diners, 10 p.m., Food Owners of a diner in New Orleans can't seem to get their feet under them. Well, when the whole city keeps sinking into the ocean, that'll happen.
The Moment, 11 p.m., USA A woman who wants to be a costume designer gets to work on the musical Kinky Boots. Well, as long as she starts with something understated.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org