On TV this week
SERIES FINALE House, 8 p.m., Fox The grumpy doc solves his final medical mystery after eight seasons. Audiences will be shocked to learn that not only does he not need a cane to walk, he's actually British — and his voice is much higher than it is in the hospital.
SERIES PREMIERE American Ninja Warrior, 9 p.m., NBC This Japan-inspired game show jumps from G4 to prime time, with all sorts of weirdos attempting to climb ridiculous obstacles in order to win a title no one really cares about. It's sort of like the presidential election, but with a higher upper-body-strength requirement.
Clash of the Commercials: U.S.A. vs. the World, 10 p.m., CBS We already know European commercials are better. Just Google the VW Polo commercial to see what we mean. You won't see that one on during Modern Family.
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., SyFy An artist has been painting murals of Bo the other Dark Fae all over town. They're initially worried until they learn there's a Wizard World convention in town.
SEASON FINALE Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m., ABC Jaleel White returns to beat up whomever wins and claim their trophy. Sounds possible, anyway.
The Real Housewives of Orange County, 9 p.m., Bravo Gretchen and Slade decide to go to counseling. There's something all the other women can learn from this episode.
SEASON FINALE Glee, 9 p.m., Fox Graduation is looming, so get ready for some big changes. Not tonight, though; tonight is the same old shtick.
SEASON PREMIERE Hollywood Treasure, 10 p.m., SyFy Geeks continue to seek out memorabilia like George Lucas' original Star Wars camera and Dorothy's ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz. When do they go looking for that watch from Pulp Fiction?
SEASON FINALE The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC Norm Macdonald is getting married. That should go smoothly, because he's not given to smart-aleck commentary or anything like that.
SEASON FINALE American Idol, 8 p.m., Fox You could always watch ABC until about 9:55 to find out who wins. The rest is just filler.
SEASON FINALE Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC Mitch and Cam need Gloria to be a translator to help with their second adoption, leaving Lily in the care of Jay and Manny. Seems like a pretty unfair trade to us, really.
SEASON FINALE Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23, 9:30 p.m., ABC Chloe's lifestyle apparently inspired a Japanese comic book. Funny, we didn't know she had talking panda friends or an obsession with a 6-foot squid.
SEASON PREMIERE Revenge, 10 p.m., ABC Creator Mike Kelley has said he's going to kill off a character or two tonight. That's good, because then you won't miss them if you're not going to start watching this until next season.
SERIES PREMIERE Duets, 8 p.m., ABC Kelly Clarkson, Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles, John Legend and Robin Thicke go across America to find unknowns to sing with. You'd think some established singers would be willing to work with them.
SEASON PREMIERE So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m., Fox Adam Shankman, Debbie Allen, Tyce Diorio, Lil' C, Stacey Tookey and Jesse Tyler Ferguson are guest judges this season. We don't know who half those people are, but who else has the time to be a guest judge?
Geo Bee 2012, 8 p.m., NatGeo It's like the National Spelling bee, but with geography. Alex Trebek will be on hand to make the kids feel like imbeciles for not knowing where Tajikistan is (between Afghanistan and China).
SEASON PREMIERE Rookie Blue, 10 p.m., ABC The recruits are entering their third year, which should dispel the term "rookie" once and for all. But this is TV, so Rookie Blue it is.
SEASON FINALE Awake, 10 p.m., NBC Britten's worlds start to collide, so he won't have to choose to be depressed about his wife being dead or his son being dead. He will have to choose a therapist, though.
SERIES PREMIERE Men at Work, 10 p.m., TBS Ever wonder what happened to Hyde from That '70s Show? He got a job at a men's magazine and has to deal with a breakup. So, nothing special.
SERIES PREMIERE The Link, 7 p.m., NatGeo Josh Klein explains to us how seemingly unrelated items all influenced some new thing we all take for granted now. First up: Chinese swords + microscopes + beer = Predator drones.
The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO Ricky, Stephen and Karl discuss what it means to be English. You mean besides having superior news radio? Sorry, NPR, BBC News Hour is way more entertaining, pound for pound. Get it? Pound for pound? Eh.
Under African Skies, 10 p.m., A&E Paul Simon revisits South Africa to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Graceland. Art still isn't invited.
Goldfathers, 10 p.m., NatGeo Bad weather leads to flash-flooding and a potential mine collapse. To be fair, there's always a chance for a mine collapse. They really should keep that in mind.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com