On TV this week
24, 9 p.m., Fox Why are you so surprised Renee was murdered and the president turned on Jack? The man hasn't had a happy day in eight years.
SEASON PREMIERE The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo Danielle really wants to be in the cool kids' club, but she's still too dorky to get an invite to Caroline's fundraiser. Hey, why don't you point out that no one likes you to all the people who don't like you? Good job.
Castle, 10 p.m., ABC Rocco DiSpirito guest stars as himself in an episode in which a chef is found frozen to death. We're guessing the victim isn't Rocco.
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC The contestants receive a $1,000 shopping spree and get makeovers with Blow Out's Jonathan Antin while Ashanti sings. What? Did you think they were going to get gift certificates to an all-you-can-eat buffet?
Parenthood, 10 p.m., NBC Sarah finds out about Zeek's financial problems. You'd think he'd have saved up a few bucks from his years as the head football coach at Minnesota State.
V, 10 p.m., ABC We know this is an ongoing series and not a miniseries like the original, but it wouldn't kill them to advance the story just a teensy bit. Also, we know that the shuttle blown up by the resistance this week is actually full of humans and not a V tracking team. Try not to give away the big plot twists in your trailers from now on.
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW The big (or should we say little?) guest this week is Rosie Cotton, who is touted as an actress from The Lord of the Rings. You know, she played the girl that Samwise eventually marries. It's hard to get the stars on this show, y'all.
SEASON FINALE Fly Girls, 9:30 p.m., CW Tasha and Mandy audition to be models in an ad campaign for the airline. Why bother? You're already in the TV show.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 10 p.m., NBC Sharon Stone needs a statement from a pregnant rape victim in order to build a case against her attacker. The writers always save the most cringe-inducing storylines for Sharon, you know.
The Office, 9 p.m., NBC You will spend every minute of this episode wondering what the show will be like if Steve Carell leaves the show. Our guess is the show will be canceled after one season of that nonsense.
30 Rock, 9:30 p.m., NBC Jenna's and Liz's moms stop by once again, but it's our favorite, Mrs. Donaghy, who will be getting all our attention. All that passive-aggressiveness from an angry old Irish woman makes us feel at home!
The Mentalist, 10 p.m., CBS A math genius is shot dead by a clown, pretty much making this episode a trifecta of our personal fears.
SEASON PREMIERE Friday Night Lights, 8 p.m., NBC Coach Taylor is now in charge of the East Dillon Lions, which is kind of what it felt like when Tony Dungy started coaching the Colts.
Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, 10 p.m., Food The chefs have to showcase a client's sustainable produce in a meal. If only there were delicious ways to serve people vegetables that didn't involve frying them in animal fat.
Party Down, 10 p.m., Starz Ron has to cater an orgy. Of all the times for a girl to break up with you!
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org