On TV this week
SEASON FINALE 2 Broke Girls, 8 p.m., CBS The girls head to a gala to try to meet Martha Stewart and get her to buy cupcakes. But if she buys them, the show will have to change its name!
Gossip Girl, 8 p.m., CW Blair asks Serena to fill in for her at an important meeting, which would be fine with us, because we can't tell the difference between Leighton Meester and Blake Lively, anyway.
Bethenny Ever After, 10 p.m., Bravo Bethenny and Jason come back from their cruise and have to deal with the same old stressful events. Like renovating their apartment.
SEASON FINALE Castle, 10 p.m., ABC There's a cliffhanger on the way, and it's not about which college Alexis chooses. Maybe a Firefly-class spaceship will land looking for work.
SEASON FINALE Last Man Standing, 8 p.m., ABC Mike doesn't want to give his sister-in-law his extra cash, because he's planning on buying a tank to crush cars at the junkyard. With three girls who might go to college? What a dad.
SEASON FINALE The Voice, 9 p.m., NBC Somebody's getting $100,000. No, besides Carson Daly.
SEASON FINALE Unforgettable, 10 p.m., CBS Elias Koteas stars as the suspect in a killing that is a lot like how Carrie's sister died. A coincidence, we're sure.
SERIES PREMIERE The Devil's Ride, 10 p.m., Discovery Enough of the bike builders — Discovery finally does a series about a real biker gang. Of course, the Laffing Devils from San Diego have a member with a degree in finance, so they aren't quite what you'd call outlaws.
SERIES PREMIERE United Stats of America, 10 p.m., History Twins who are standup comedians host this show about statistical anomalies in America, illustrated by the people behind the numbers.
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC The whole family heads to Disneyland, resulting in a 22-minute commercial for another Mouse-owned property on the Mouse-owned network.
SERIES PREMIERE Around the World in 80 Plates, 10 p.m., Bravo It's like The Amazing Race, but with chefs: A dozen cooks go to 10 countries to cook up stuff you can't pronounce for people who've never heard of them.
SEASON FINALE CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 10 p.m., CBS The sheriff's pal may have killed his wife, which will surely not affect the investigation in any way whatsoever.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 10 p.m., NBC Gay men are getting attacked, including the man engaged to modern-day actor Ice T's son. If we were the betting types, we would suspect the early '90s rapper Ice T.
SEASON FINALE The Big Bang Theory, 8 p.m., CBS The season ends with Wolowitz headed for outer space. Well, maybe. That would be a good way to end the season, at any rate.
SEASON FINALE The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m., CW Elena wishes her parents and her aunt were still alive. But if they were all vampires, they wouldn't have had to worry about dying …
SEASON FINALE The Office, 9 p.m., NBC A diaper gets stolen, leading to a high-speed car chase. Well, yeah, those things are really expensive.
SEASON FINALE Parks and Recreation, 9:30 p.m., NBC So who won the election, Leslie or Bobby? Let's have a flash-forward episode and find out!
SEASON FINALE Undercover Boss, 8 p.m., CBS The CEO of a telecommunications company is surprisingly in the dark about what his employees say and do. Time to be proactive and shift the paradigm of the workflow.
SEASON FINALE The Finder, 8 p.m., Fox Geoff Stults' real-life older brother, George, arrives to play Walter Sherman's older brother. That's really a stretch for ol' George.
SEASON FINALE CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS We're pretty wary of giving things away these days, so let's just say a cast member gets shot. Which cast member? Well, it certainly isn't Gary Sinise, no sir.
SEASON FINALE Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS Frank learns about a potential terrorist attack, so he invokes the power of the epic moustache to take care of business.
SERIES PREMIERE Common Law, 10 p.m., USA Two police partners end up in couples counseling, probably over bitterness that their captain won't just reassign them.
SERIES PREMIERE The Half Hour, 11 p.m., Comedy It's like all the other up-and-coming comedians' standups specials, but this one is filmed in Boston! Not that we've ever seen anyone smiling there.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org