On TV this week
How I Met Your Mother, 8 p.m., CBS Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston guest stars in a flashback episode. Now we'll really get the inside scoop about Heisenberg's past. Wait, it's not that kind of flashback.
NFL Football, 8:25 p.m., ESPN The Bucs get the spotlight tonight in a Florida bowl against the Miami Dolphins. It helps the night's drama that Richie Incognito has made the Fins perhaps the most hated team in America lately.
Beauty and the Beast, 9 p.m., CW Vincent ends up rescuing a woman who may be able to help him in his mission. If it's ruining his relationship with Cat, it could possibly be mission accomplished.
SERIES PREMIERE Bible Secrets Revealed, 10 p.m., History A new show searching for facts in Biblical parables. A whole range of experts will try to help them prove talking snakes, giant boats full of animals and people who lived for 969 years were real things.
The Originals, 8 p.m., CW Klaus and Elijah want Sabine's help in finding Hayley. Maybe that stranger who knows something about her baby has an idea where she is.
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC Last season's teenagers go to the White House nutrition policy adviser's ranch. Good luck finding any Oreos there.
The Goldbergs, 9 p.m., ABC A family called the Kremps move into the neighborhood, upending everything. Wasn't that the family in The 'Burbs? Never mind, that was the Klopeks.
Shahs of Sunset, 10 p.m., Bravo Reza and Adam move in together, prompting GG to put the screws to Sean about where they're headed. They'll never get their own spinoff at this rate!
Revolution, 8 p.m., NBC Rachel and Gene are always squabbling, causing problems for Charlie. Jeez, what's that all about? It's not like they don't have other things to worry about.
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC Phil and Claire want to celebrate their 20th anniversary. Wait, how old is Haley, again?
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, 9 p.m., NBC A female officer is raped by several men in her unit, but she and her C.O. won't cooperate with the investigation. Amaro just then gets around to asking his ex-wife about how hard it is to be a female service member.
Top Chef, 10 p.m., Bravo We're halfway through the season and we're just now seeing a jazz-themed episode. We give the producers all due credit for their self-restraint.
Reign, 9 p.m., CW Mary tries to hook up with Bash after one of Francis' ex-girlfriends comes to town. It's, like, sooo hard to date, you guys.
SERIES PREMIERE Ground Floor, 10 p.m., TBS A banker has a one-night stand with a maintenance worker in his building, so they do the natural thing and start a true relationship. It's much easier than all those awkward elevator rides.
Million Dollar Shoppers, 10 p.m., Lifetime Three shoppers are all competing for the same client. They must all want to end up with a mention in the New York tabloids.
Covert Affairs, 10 p.m., USA Annie, Auggie and Calder head to Hong Kong to search for Henry's courier. And, you know, maybe hit Macau for some slots.
Styled to Rock, 8 p.m., Bravo The designers have to create a sexy club look for Miley Cyrus, as approved by her mother, Tish. First, maybe her mom shouldn't be the one picking out her sexy clothes, and second, Miley already has set the bar pretty low by being naked all the time.
SEASON FINALE America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW The first co-ed season comes to a close, with only one guy or one girl being chosen as the winner. If it's not a guy, the whole season was pretty much moot, wasn't it?
Tanked, 10 p.m., Animal Planet Tracy Morgan already had the crew build him a shark tank, so now he's hiring them again to build a tank for his octopus. We swear this isn't a plotline from an old episode of 30 Rock.
Dracula, 10 p.m., NBC Lucy is heartbroken, so she decides to distract herself with Mina's engagement party. Because that will keep you from thinking about dying alone.
Department of Corrections
A TV capsule for last week's episode of Pawn Stars mistakenly implied that U.S. soldiers were massacred at Wounded Knee, where as many as 300 Native American men, women and children were gunned down by the Army in 1890. We were thinking of Custer's Last Stand at the Little Bighorn in 1876, in which 268 soldiers were killed by Native American tribes. We regret the error, and thank all the readers who wrote in calling us nasty names.
— Joshua Gillin email@example.com