On TV this week
The Kennedy Detail, 9 p.m., Discovery The Secret Service agents assigned to John F. Kennedy recount their Camelot days for the 47th anniversary of his death. That's a real cheery way to start the week. Perhaps they'll reveal there really was a Papal red phone.
Dawn of the Ocean, 9 p.m., NatGeo Oceanographers find all sorts of crazy creatures at depths previously thought incapable of supporting life. Wow, people haven't always known everything about everything; go figure.
SERIES PREMIERE Skating With the Stars, 9:11 p.m., ABC This network tried this once before, and it crashed and burned. We'll know it's rigged when the likes of Bethenny Frankel, Vince Neil and Sean Young end up upstaged by a Palin daughter (although they would probably know how to skate well, because they're from Alaska).
Glee, 8 p.m., Fox Carol Burnett guests stars as Jane Lynch's mom, which is stuntcasting so ingenious, we forgive the show for the lackluster start to the season.
Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m., ABC Now we get to see if Bristol Palin is magically transformed into the best dancer, or merely the most popular one, as the contestants vie for the finals.
The Fashion Show, 10 p.m., Bravo Hold your breath, because the queen of corsets, Dita Von Teese, shows up to act as a guest judge as the hopefuls design clothes for a femme fatale. Believe us, Dita knows all about playing dress-up.
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW The unseen-footage shows are always such a disappointment. We know nobody threw punches, because you get kicked off the show if you do.
Merry Madagascar, 8 p.m., NBC Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer and Jada Pinkett Smith have to deliver Santa's presents when he gets amnesia after crashing on their island. Okay, now the talking-animal saga is getting a little hard to believe.
Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special, 8:30 p.m., NBC Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman and Angelina Jolie voice this carefully-crafted commercial to show that Po hates having to work on Thanksgiving. Hey, ask anybody who works at a newspaper, pal: Plenty of people have to work on Thanksgiving.
SERIES PREMIERE WE Investigate, 10 p.m., WEtv Another crime show the wife will obsess about, yet she'll still refuse to let you buy a weapon to protect the house. Even a profile on the Night Stalker won't change her mind.
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 9 a.m., NBC You know this giant balloon show has its finger on the pulse of the nation when they invite Jessica Simpson as a guest. Well, there's still Miranda Cosgrove, Jimmy Falloon and Kanye West, so it boasts something for every member of the family.
The National Dog Show, Noon, NBC Watch people say the word bitch during daytime TV and not get in trouble for it before you eat so much you pass out.
People of the Year, 9 p.m., NBC Matt Lauer steals Barabara Walters' schtick and yammers with people we're supposed to care about. Too bad you went to bed two hours ago.
Beyonce's: I Am... World Tour, 9:30 p.m., ABC Of course, if you wake up from your nap in time, you can always watch Beyonce demonstrate why 32 countries want to see her wear gold lame — and show why Jay-Z married her.
TV's Funniest Holiday Moments: A Paley Center for Media Special, 8 p.m., Fox Watch all these clips from favorite TV shows, since your own family doesn't produce enough memorable moments to hold your attention.
30 Holiday Decorating Hits & Misses, 8 p.m., HGTV Design experts show how to make your home festive for the holidays. You may want to take down the Halloween decorations first.
SEASON FINALE School Pride, 8 p.m., NBC A school focused on the arts gets a makeover, despite the district wanting to cut the budget yet again. It's entirely possible the recent drop in funding for the arts is inversely related to the proliferation of awful reality shows on TV.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org