On TV this week
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, 8 p.m., Bravo The plastic-faced haters get into an argument over cocktails. You caught us — that could be the summary of any Real Housewives episode.
Home & Family Holiday Special, 8 p.m., Hallmark Cristina Ferrare and Mark Steines get ready for the holidays, which includes a turkey recipe endorsed by Oprah Winfrey. You get some tryptophan! And you get some tryptophan! And you! And YOU!
Mike & Molly, 9 p.m., CBS Susan Sarandon plays a novelist who is Molly's idol who happens to show up to give Molly some writing advice. First tip: Don't write TV capsules for a living.
Toxic Hot Seat, 9 p.m., HBO Sure, chemical flame retardants keep your house from burning down, but as this documentary shows, chemical companies weren't too clear about the risks of putting their wares in every piece of furniture. Never mind how bad Scotch Guarding your couch is for you.
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC This contest lives for Thanksgiving week, when producers can make all sorts of food-related references. The prize this week is allowing the winner to eat dinner with his or her family. That's a prize?
SEASON PREMIERE Boston's Finest, 9 p.m., TNT The second season of this cop show returns. This is the one about police officers, except in Beantown and not New York.
SEASON FINALE Dancing With the Stars, 9 p.m., ABC We can all agree, whoever wins this latest season, some washed-up D-lister is going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow. Make lots of coffee!
SERIES PREMIERE Marshal Law: Texas, 10 p.m., TNT A show about the Gulf Coast Violent Offenders and Fugitive Task Force, a special group made up of U.S. Marshals, Houston cops and Harris County Sheriff's deputies. We start off nice and slow with a shooting spree.
The Making of The Sound of Music Live!, 8 p.m., NBC If you simply can't wait for next week's show with Carrie Underwood and Stephen Moyer, spoil everything by watching this behind-the-scene look. Spoiler: They escape the Nazis.
Restaurant Stakeout, 9 p.m., Food An ex-boxer has used his winnings to open a restaurant that's floundering. The upside is that all the meat dishes are nice and tender.
Saturday Night Live, 9 p.m., NBC A special highlighting Thanksgiving skits over the years. Because the current cast would have some problems making the holiday funny.
Super Fun Night, 9:30 p.m., ABC Kimmie wanted her friends to go out, but is nonplussed when they decide to hang out at a piano bar. Hey, beggars can't be choosers, Kimmie. Now shut up and sing American Pie.
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 9 a.m., NBC Finally, Macy's replaces the Snoopy float. Hundreds of seasonal workers find out Friday their services will no longer be required.
The National Dog Show, noon, NBC Everyone's mom's favorite show, which she can never watch because she's busy banging pots and pans and muttering under her breath about needing help. That's why we're glad there's also ...
NFL Football, 12:30 p.m., Fox ... Football! Not only do the Packers go to Detroit, then the Raiders go to Dallas (CBS), we get a third helping with Steelers-Ravens (NBC). Fans in the Northwest and Southeast are on their own.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, 8 p.m., ABC Ah, Turkey Day ... that one time every year we can stop, relax, and be glad our parents abandoned us so we can eat burnt popcorn and jelly beans off an old Ping Pong table in the yard.
Lady Gaga & the Muppets' Holiday Spectacular, 9:30 p.m., ABC Quite the odd pairing for a holiday special, with the Muppets for the kids and Gaga for the adults. It's on at 9:30 for some reason, so we're guessing children's opinions about this one are irrelevant.
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 8 p.m., ABC Wow, the networks aren't wasting any time cramming Christmas specials down our throats. We're still sleeping off yesterday's gastronomic derring-do, and you're already giving us Seuss? Maybe this is the year that poor dog doesn't get tortured for the first 20 minutes
Good Luck Jessie: NY Christmas, 8 p.m., Disney Good Luck Charlie and Jessie come together to form one giant super special. If you even know what those shows are, you're either an overjoyed kid or a parent reading a book while this is on.
The Elf on the Shelf: An Elf's Story, 8:30 p.m., CBS Little elves are employed to watch children's behavior to help Santa make his list, but one realizes some kids have bigger problems than worry about what some fat old guy thinks of them. Happy holidays!
Garth Brooks, Live From Las Vegas, 9 p.m., CBS If you ever wanted to see Garth Brooks at the Wynn Las Vegas, bad news: His three-year run is over. The good news is that you can watch his final performance here. Without the triple-digit ticket prices, too.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org