On TV this week
The Event, 9 p.m., NBC The CDC tries to control whatever contagion the jet's passengers have been given, without much thought paid to the fact that they got it from freakin' aliens. Maybe they caught it from too many flashbacks.
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime The family tries to unload merchandise at a children's concert, while we try to unload our amazement at what Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mary-Louise Parker did last week.
SERIES PREMIERE Bret Michaels: Life as I Know It, 10 p.m., VH1 After his brain hemorrhage and failed stints on Rock of Love, Bret continues to make Kristi Gibson miserable. Why has she kept hanging around for 17 years?
SERIES PREMIERE Tower Prep, 8 p.m., Cartoon A live-action serial about a kid who finds himself stuck at a prep school and forms a clique with three other students. That's not super, just high school.
SEASON PREMIERE The Millionaire Matchmaker, 9 p.m., Bravo Patti Stanger relocates to New York City. Thank goodness she left all the insufferable, egotistical headcases back in California.
SEASON PREMIERE Dirty Jobs, 9 p.m., Discovery Did CNN really interview him as an expert analyst while those Chilean miners were being freed? Just double-checking.
Scream 2010, 9 p.m., Spike Michael J. Fox, Elisabeth Shue and Lea Thompson show up as part of a 25th anniversary celebration for Back to the Future in this annual geekfest. Suddenly we feel really, really old.
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC The family agrees to host a Japanese exchange student but then gets angry when he shows no interest in them. You can't count on those darn imports for anything!
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., CW The models have to portray iconic designers in a fashion shoot. Place your bets on which of these model wannabes have no idea who their designer is.
SEASON FINALE Changing Lanes, 10 p.m., BET The final four compete to qualify for the Toyota All-Star Showdown. And then after that, they'll never drive a race car for money again.
30 Rock, 8:30 p.m., NBC While Liz continues to question her relationship with Carol to death, Jenna and Kenneth ask Kelsey Grammer for advice. We hope it's not relationship advice.
Outsourced, 9:30 p.m., NBC A member of the staff files a complaint against Todd after a box of sex toys arrives in the call center. Wow, they really are like Americans.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, 11:30 p.m., Bravo These Botoxed, cat-faced freakniks are easily the scariest collection Bravo has yet assembled. Unfortunately their fighting is about as entertaining as watching stitches dissolve.
Smallville, 8 p.m., CW Lois gets superpowers. Beyond being super-naggy, that is.
Fatal Attractions, 9 p.m., Animal Planet A woman who likes to feed the bears is in big trouble when she tries to break up a fight between a male bear and a cub. So, in a way, she ends up literally feeding the bears.
Ghost Adventures, 9 p.m., Travel The crew heads to an old home for the mentally ill because the paint in the halls is peeling. Well, duh, have you guys ever dealt with the humidity in western Pennsylvania?
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org