On TV this week
SERIES PREMIERE Parker Spitzer, 8 p.m., CNN Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Kathleen Parker and former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer (you know, the one with the hooker fetish) yammer about stuff. This is just further proof that there's no such thing as being shamed out of office anymore.
Chuck, 8 p.m., NBC Nicole Richie and Stone Cold Steve Austin guest star, which is more than enough of a description to get us to watch.
SEASON PREMIERE The Real Housewives of Atlanta, 9 p.m., Bravo The latest season premiere of this hideous concept has some of the girls all revved up after Kim is outed as a lesbian. Can't wait for the Miami version.
The Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC The contestants get tennis lessons from Anna Kournikova. So that's what she's been doing instead of playing tennis lately.
SERIES PREMIERE Making History, 9 p.m., NatGeo This new series follows three filmmakers as they try to bring historical people and events to life with special effects, direction and camera tricks. So, of course, the first subject is Hitler.
SERIES PREMIERE House of Glam, 11 p.m., Oxygen Ever wonder who the stylists to the stars are and what they do in their free time? Neither do we, but you don't see Oxygen not making a show about that.
SEASON PREMIERE Dog the Bounty Hunter, 9 p.m., A&E Duane and his crew head to Colorado to nab a meth cooker and his pregnant girlfriend. America the beautiful, people!
SEASON PREMIERE Steven Seagal Lawman, 10 p.m., A&E As proof that charges of sexual harassment won't stick to this lawman, we get another glimpse into Seagal's life. We do hope they show him working on Robert Rodriguez's Machete.
SEASON PREMIERE South Park, 10 p.m., Comedy Central Hoo, boy — the guys are making fun of Tiger Woods? There's no one they won't ridicule!
SERIES PREMIERE Harry Loves Lisa, 10 p.m., TV Land Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have a reality show following their marriage. We can only hope Harry discusses the original Clash of the Titans a little bit.
SEASON PREMIERE Ugly Americans, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central Mark gets a new roommate and visits hell. Did he move back into the freshman dorm at the university?
SERIES PREMIERE Texas Rodeo Tykes, 8 p.m., Animal Planet Apparently, there's some novelty to this series, about little kids who train to be rodeo riders. Back in Nebraska, that was more popular than soccer.
Bones, 8 p.m., Fox Brennan has to investigate a death of some meathead at the Jersey shore and watches some horrible reality show set there as research. Whew, good thing there's no show like that in the real world.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 9 p.m., CBS Langston looks into a murder at a convention of nerds who like vampires and werewolves. The really scary part: Andy Dick is there.
SEASON PREMIERE Fatal Attractions, 9 p.m., Animal Planet People who own tigers really shouldn't be surprised if one day they just plain decide you look like a giant mouse.
SEASON PREMIERE Swamp Loggers, 9 p.m., Discovery Apparently being a logger is a dangerous and stressful profession. We're so glad this show is back to remind us of that.
The Good Guys, 9 p.m., Fox Wayne Knight and Danny Trejo show up in what promises to be a battle of the character actors as guest stars. Our money is on Trejo, because he's been in prison. All Knight did was try to steal dinosaur embryos and annoy Seinfeld.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org