On TV this week
SEASON PREMIERE 90210, 8 p.m., CW Liam tries to raise some cash to pay Vanessa, so the Offshore is up for sale. We hear some people in politics could help you with that.
MINISERIES PREMIERE Titanic: Blood and Steel, 8 p.m., Encore Chris Noth and Neve Campbell are the marquee names in a 12-parter about the doomed ocean liner, which sank 100 years ago, but kept movie chains afloat a mere 15 years ago.
The Voice, 8 p.m., NBC Billie Joe Armstrong, Mary J. Blige, Rob Thomas and Michael Buble act as advisers for the team members, but we all know Billie Joe isn't really in the right frame of mind to help anyone right now.
SEASON PREMIERE Gossip Girl, 9 p.m., CW Everyone goes looking for Serena. Did you happen to check some movie auditions? Blake Lively's out looking for work after this final season ends.
Jane's Journey, 8 p.m., Animal Planet Go see how Dr. Jane Goodall became the world's foremost expert on chimpanzees. Hint: It had nothing to do with Project X.
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, 9 p.m., CW Sure, you saw this legendary Joss Whedon musical online, but why not watch Neil Patrick Harris on network TV, complete with censors and commercials? It's so much better this way!
SERIES PREMIERE Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, 9 p.m., Lifetime This Dance Moms spinoff stars Abby Lee Miller antagonizing 12 more little dancers trying to win $100,000, which their parents will then only partially blow on more dance lessons they may or may not want.
SERIES PREMIERE Keyshia Cole: Family First, 10 p.m., BET Did you not get enough Keyshia Cole on The Way It Is? Well, here she is again, doing everything but singing R&B. Well, she does some of that, too.
The Big Jig, 10 p.m., TLC Five preteen girls enter the World Irish Dance Championships. There are no Dance Moms-style shenanigans, so it's a good thing this is a one-off special. Or, as TLC likes to call them, a pilot.
SERIES PREMIERE Arrow, 8 p.m., CW A TV series based on the DC Comics character Green Arrow, who is pretty handy with a bow, we hear. You wouldn't want people to get this guy confused with Green Lantern or the Green Hornet, unless his show is just as bad as those movies.
SEASON PREMIERE Duck Dynasty, 10 p.m., A&E The Robertsons are still making duck calls. Ducks are still getting shot. Ducks still hate the Robertsons.
SERIES PREMIERE Nashville, 10 p.m., ABC American Horror Story refugee Connie Britton shares a show with Heroes alum Hayden Panettiere as a veteran singer and a marketable cheesecake. You guess which is which.
SERIES PREMIERE Chicago Fire, 10 p.m., NBC A show about firefighters and paramedics in Chicago. Nobody's tried this since Rescue Me hit big, so let's see how it works out.
SEASON PREMIERE The Vampire Diaries, 8 p.m., CW Elena died with vampire blood in her system, so now she's either got to be a bloodsucker or fade away forever. It's like a parable of this year's presidential election.
Vice Presidential Debate, 9 p.m., major networks Speaking of which, Joe Biden and Paul Ryan compete for who has the hardest job convincing the audience that their guy isn't an emotionless robot. Between the gaffes and the half-truths, this should be a great show.
SERIES PREMIERE Beauty and the Beast, 9 p.m., CW It's basically a remake of the Ron Perlman/Linda Hamilton series from the '80s. Except now, the beast kinda hulks out whenever he gets mad. Let's try to borrow from one genre at a time, please.
SEASON PREMIERE It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 10 p.m., FX Dennis and Dee's grandfather is on life support when they find out he was a Nazi. That should make pulling the plug that much easier.
SEASON PREMIERE The League, 10:30 p.m., FX Kevin's wife is about to have a baby and everyone gets invited to the Dallas Cowboys' training camp. Say so long to doing anything like that, Kevin; even if you could go, you'll be too tired.
Girl vs. Monster, 8 p.m., Disney Olivia Holt from Kickin' It plays a 15-year-old who pretty much acts out the storyline from the first Harry Potter book, except with monster hunting instead of magic. There's a lot of singing, though.
SEASON FINALE Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax Scott has to interrogate Bryant to find out whether she helped Knox. Time's a-wastin' finding those nukes, you know.
SEASON FINALE Cheer, 10 p.m., CMT The kids from Jersey come to Florida for the cheerleading world championships. Will they win it all? Tough to say, on a reality show. Yes, maybe?
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org